You’re right.  It doesn’t happen overnight.

My descent took ten years before I hit bottom.  I did not know Christ but I knew something was not right.  Little decisions led to seemingly inconsequential turns that resulted in eventual self-destruction. 

Nobody wakes up and says to themselves, “Today I’ll become an alcoholic drug addict.” Or “Today I’ll blow up my family.”

Rationalization and denial are not our friends. 

It’s not the path He chose for me, but He used it for good, and today I understand forgiveness, gratitude and grace in a whole new way.

Jerry,

Yes… you have to know that my blog writings are many times just mind dumps… that means I type as I think, and rarely re-read or even proof.  If I did take the time to do that, it would be a totally different piece, usually. 

Todd

i took a lifelong porn habit into marriage. 5 years into marriage had affair that was mostly emotional but a little physical. confessed on my own to my wife and it’s been 5 years since. marriage is better than ever. God did not let me hit rock bottom but i came close. his grace is amazing.

I agree that this doesn’t happen overnight.

I think a major problem is that, for many pastors, acknowledging a problem with pornography means loss of income/ job.  So, best to keep that problem to yourself and do what you can about it.  If you find ways to deal with it, great.  If not, eventually, well, we’re all to familiar with that scenario.

Denominations and churches almost encourage a struggle with porn to be kept in the dark...where it can thrive.

Great post. 

I think I can be categorized into the second category.  I’m a young minister, who after years of dabbling in porn and lustful thoughts found myself at a “massage parlor,” looking to see what it was like.  The entire incident tormented me for weeks because I realized Satan had deceptively led me down this path.  Realizing the only way I could hope to escape Satan’s grasp was to bring my private sin into the open so I confessed it to my wife.  It was horribly difficult to confess to her.  I will never forget her reaction (it alone will keep me from ever straying again).  Due to the fact that my wife is amazingly strong and faithful, after a few days she told me I was forgiven and that she would do whatever it took to help us be “us” again.  This all took place only a couple weeks ago and we’re very much in the midst of working through everything with some marital counseling.  The key for us has been openness and honesty.  We’ve also enlisted the prayerful support of some very close and trustworthy family members.  So far we haven’t felt the need to share the story with the church we serve.  Perhaps it will become a powerful teaching piece in the future, but for the moment we believe it would be more destructive than constructive for everyone to know.  That’s the story so far.  For anyone on the road to destruction, as I was, I cannot stress strongly enough the power of being painfully honest with the person closest to you.  Bringing what Satan is trying to keep in the dark to the surface and into the light is the best way to defeat him.  It also permits your loved one the opportunity to put into practice the forgiveness Jesus so adamantly preached to his followers.  Confess your sins before they’re made known to people by some other means.

Gradual...God snapped me out of a mental habit of imagining a better husband just recently.  Women, even faithful-seeming ones, can become bored/ungrateful/dissatisfied.  We.need.sex.too.  If not, we’re going to think about someone else, eventually.  Too many available ways of communicating with other guys these days…

I fall into the number two category.  In my case it was two extramarital affairs.  Looking back it was in fact a slow burn- a friendly friendship that turned.  I was asked if I would mind partaking of a kiss ‘just to see what it would be like to kiss you’.

My thought process at the time was led to believe “that won’t hurt, I can detach myself from that”.  That progressed over a period of months to not only that one affair but also being led into thinking ‘you can get away with this one too”.

That is what collapsed it all.  My wife found out and I believe purely that God’s plan for her NOT kicking me out is what brought me to him.  Its been a road with a lot of ups and downs in our marriage, but we are rebuilding and that has meant both of us returning actively to God. 

In doing so I have been able to break free of a couple lesser demons of porn and alcohol abuse that while not out of hand, was more than it should have been.

Its a very dark road that I went down and I never imagined it was one I would have had that much weakness to follow.  The main thing is what happened and the unfair damage it caused to my wife was the worst part.  But the fact that it did not end there and helped bring me to Christ is the part that has a positive to it, and that is an dark road I will never be led down again with the lies and false promises that are along the way.

I hesitate to talk about these things because I’m not fully aware of what I am capable of in my humanness.  But I do think I can safely say this.  Large-scale public sins like the ones I’ve mentioned have to be progressive sins.