How to Write a Mediocre Worship Song

Orginally published on Thursday, March 29, 2007 at 6:01 AM
by Todd Rhoades

Bob Kilpatrick writes, "Having written hundreds of mediocre songs, I consider myself an expert. Consequently, I have deigned to share with you my tips on how to write a really mediocre song. These are road tested and guaranteed to work..."

Number One- Start with a melody that sounds like another melody. This is especially effective if you model it after another mediocre melody. Make your melody only different enough to keep you out of a copyright infringement suit. Otherwise, hew as close as possible to what has been done before. “My Sweet Lord” was a good example of this at one time.

Number Two- To make up for the derivative melody; wrap it around some very odd chords. If you’re in the key of C, say, try throwing in a C, G#maj7, B6, F#m combination. This is what I call the “search for the lost chord” and is popular among high school boys working on their first songs.

Number Three- Free yourself from the restrictive song structures of the past. Move away from the verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, and chorus form into something that wanders without repeating itself. If you must have a chorus, change the words or the timing every time you repeat it.

Number Four- Say something in the lyric that others have said many times before and better. Borrow lyric ideas, if you can. Songs that refer to “amazing grace” or “the king in majesty” are especially good starting points. Reading through hymnals and chorus books will help you cull/steal ideas from other writers that you can dull down and repeat mindlessly.

Number Five- Use Christian phrases in common usage in the English-speaking world. Don’t change them (millions of happy Christian can’t be wrong.) Here’s a list to get you started; - washed my sins away - He lifts me up - I just came to praise the Lord - saved - born again - glory

Number Six- the reverse of Number Five- Don’t use any phrases that Christians would recognize. Make your metaphors so esoteric that only you and your closest friend from junior high get the meaning. This approach also helps if you want to reach a wider audience with your song. The less your lyrics can be construed to talk explicitly about God the better.

Number Seven- Don’t say just one thing in a song. Say two, or three, or even four things. Wander from idea to idea. Start by singing about your past sinful life, then move on to how wonderful nature is, then sing about the people of God and end up at the Second Coming. If you can make it all sound like it could be either, a) a worship song or, b) a love song, even better.

There are three more ways here...

Thanks to Scotteriology...

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a chronic workaholic, love to connect leaders with other leaders, and would consider myself somewhat of a 'maven'. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you'll like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step.

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