It’s so easy to give the spiritual answer that maybe you weren’t called.  Even Jesus prayed that the cup of suffering would be taken away and his agony was so great that he sweat drops of blood.  It was only as angels ministered to him that he was able to go through what the Father called him to go through. 
Even when we are called and are certain of our calling, the pain of ministry can be great and can cause us to break.  We are not always all spiritual all of the time.  Our humanity, which is a necessary quality in order for us to minister effectively, often causes us to take on more than we should.  And especially for our spouses, who often have great expectations put on them by our congregations but have no recourse of action without destroying our ministry, bare the brunt of the load. 
Our first calling is to God, then to our families, and then to our churches.  Too often we have sacrificed our families, not for God but for the church.  Even Jesus said that if people do not receive you, you are to shake the dust off your feet and go somewhere else. 
I have been blessed to be the pastor of this church for 17 years.  My congregation has been wonderful to my family.  They have loved my children and allowed my wife to be who she is.  She teaches in a public school and does ministry in a background position where she is a mother confident to a lot of people.

Larry, thanks for your kindness and advice as it is well accepted.

The final line of my previous post was written in jest regarding the holier among us. I understand my calling, and need to be available to those I lead, sometimes we all just need space without being holy about it.

Hi John-

Lots of good points in your email. 

About pastor’s kids-- they may think they are in competition with the congregation, but don’t think for a moment that it’s the only job that demands more time away from the family than the family wants.  I work a full-time secular job, and often have to work overtime that I don’t want to.  I know others in different occupations with the same problems.

I finished a “Spiritual Leadership” course from the seminary I attend.  Yes, they pointed out that the family has a higher priority than work for the Lord.  The family is part of the Church, the body of Christ.  You can’t burn-it-out, because of good intentions, for doing what you feel called to do.  It’s like what the Scripture says about tongues-- they can be controlled.  It’s a shame to fry or neglect the family for what we feel is God’s calling. 

There’s always work to be done, but the family isn’t always there (kids grow up and move out, then you’re done raising them).

Our Lord Jesus saw the great need, yet took time out as needed.  He didn’t run around consumed by busy-ness.  But sometimes our occupations demand a lot from us, and we should try to “make-up” for it at other times, rather than always running at 150%.

Just my thoughts…

...Bernie
http://www.FreeGoodNews.com

This is my first post on this blog. I wanted to put my 2 cents worth in, particularly in this area. I have been in ministry for over 13 years, all with family. I have been married 16 years, and my oldest is 14 and the youngest is 9. My opinion is balance. There are times when I must put my ministry and call above that of my family, my family understands and they support me. Then there are times when my family must come first. regular times of being available, times they know dad is there, and the special historic times that cannot be replaced in any way, times such as graduations, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Sometimes my church has understood, sometimes they have not. But as my call is from God so is my accountability. God will hold my accountable for my children, and as others have pointed out, an elder must be able to manage his family. God will hold me accountable for the way my children view me, my ministry, and the way i treat them. I strive for a balance between the needs of the church and the needs of a growing and demanding family. Sometimes i wish that the more mature group was the church, but that isn’t always the case. Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant! Blessings all of you who struggle with this as I do!

Having read some of the blogs posted, I stand solidly with the idea that your family is your first ministry and calling. 
Some argue that if your family can’t hack it, then you and they were not called to it.  However, this argument falls far short of truth in many cases.  Often times, people with a clear calling on their lives are hammered and broken not by the Spirit of God, but by the spirits of those in their congregations who do not support and care for those God has raised up over them.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned in dealing with people is that, “Their perspective is their reality.” If they (members of your congregation) think that you need to be out at church more, little you do will convince them otherwise. Here are a few ideas to help out for you in the struggle between church life and family life.
1.  Make your stand on the Word of God’s call to control your family and to love and honour your wife.  They are your first responsability and who God will hold you accountable for first.
2.  Be ethically responsible and able to account for your time to your elder’s board.  We often work our own hours, but we should not take advantage of this and abuse the trust of our congregation.  Like wise, when you have worked 45 hours or more in a week, they should protect you by sending you home.
3.  Know and understand that in any thing in life, things come up unexpectedly and must be dealt with.  There are seasons where things happen that require more time.  Our church just had a fire that resulted in hundreds of thousands of dollars of damage.  All hands were on deck for a week or two to wade through the mess.  Do the staff regularly work the crazy hours that they did in the past two or three weeks? No, but in the emergency time they shone.

Love God, love your family, love your congegation.

Blessings