Managing Church Conflict Without “Freaking Out”

Orginally published on Wednesday, July 29, 2009 at 8:02 AM
by Todd Rhoades

A recent three-day event was held at Lipscomb University that was designed to help church leaders manage conflict before it gets out of control. According to WBIR.com, one goal was to teach church leaders to deal with conflict without freaking out. Maintaining a calm demeanor can help defuse a church fight. To do that, church leaders need to learn how to not take conflict personally, said Phil Leftwich, executive presbyter of the Presbytery of Middle Tennessee.

"A lot of the conflict in their church isn't about them at all. But they are the ones in the midst of it," said Leftwich. "How do you deal with the fear, the anxiety that comes as a result of being the target of conflict?"

Leaders also need to understand their own style when dealing with conflict, said Larry Bridgesmith, executive director of the Institute for Conflict Management. During Monday morning's session, he outlined five common approaches: cooperative, directive (or taking charge), compromise, avoidance and harmonizing (or accommodating.)

Bridgesmith said each person has a preferred style in a conflict. But depending on the circumstances, some approaches make things worse. If the conflict is over a relatively minor issue, sometimes accommodating is the best approach, he said. Other times, preserving relationships can derail church ministry...

“All leadership comes down to the tension between tasks and relationships,” said Steve Joiner, associate director of the institute.

Most church conflict happens when a senior pastor leaves, either by choice or by being forced out, or when a church changes its way of doing business.

And church conflict is often complicated by a number of factors.

Church members, especially in the South, are expected to be nice to each other.

But a superficial niceness often masks conflict until it festers into a major blowup.

Many congregations are also facing declines in membership, forcing them to change their ways to attract newcomers, which leads to stress.

“At a congregational level we are not used to adapting to our audience,” said Steve Briley, dean of the college of Bible and ministry at Lipscomb.

That need for change comes when people are already feeling stressed out by outside factors.

“In an unstable world, the one stable place for people is church,” said Joiner. When that refuge is threatened, people react in fear, which can snowball into a church fight.

You can read the whole article here...

QUESTION:  What has been the one thing that you have done to reduce conflict in YOUR church?

Todd

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.

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