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Pastor, Do You Have “Personality Cleavage”?
Orginally published on Wednesday, December 17, 2008 at 8:59 AM
by Todd Rhoades
I'm not sure what to exactly think about this article by John Shore over at Crosswalk.com. I guess that there are two things that stand out to me. The first is, of course, what Christian leaders is he hanging out with that are telling rude 'teamster' type jokes over drinks? The second is this: as a pastor, is your speaking persona dramatically different from your personality? Has a great distance developed between who you are as a ministry leader, and who you really are? Now, I think that's a great question. John Shore writes...
“I make this call to Personality Cleavage (that is, cleaving to one’s personality) because in my professional life as a lunch mooch and meeting crasher, I have had a fair number of occasions to hang with people whose job it is to essentially represent God to truly vast numbers of people. And I’m always sitting around with these people, and they might be having a drink or two, the way normal people do when they’re hanging out with their friends, and they’ll be way funnier than you’d think. (Or that I expected, anyway.) And I don’t mean the kind of humor where you chuckle with restrained verve and then ask someone to pass the rolls. I’m talking Teamster humor. Rude stuff. Jokes that make you wish you hadn’t just taken a bite of a roll.
It’s awesome.But then, later, I’ll see those same people on TV, or hear them on the radio, or whatever, and it’s like they’d gotten attacked and treated by a taxidermist. They’ve gone from Richard Pryor to Maury Shaffer. It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Church Lady. From Gildna Radner to Aunt Bea. From Willie to Principal Skinner. From ... well, you get the idea.
Half of them---or a third of them, maybe---is gone.
I understand, Christian Leaders, that in your capacity as a representative of our Lord you naturally feel obliged to act dignified and ... like a person who doesn’t keep a whoopie cushion on them at all times. Of course. All I’m suggesting is that sometimes, when you’re alone, you might want to take a moment or two to discern whether or not too great a distance has developed between who you are as a ministry leader, and who you really are. It’s when you allow those two things to become too divergent that you set the stage for trouble that’ll send your whole show into the ground.”
You can read the whole article here...
If this “Personality Cleavage” something you deal with? Do you need to loosen up? I’d love to hear from you!
(And no teamster jokes here)
Todd
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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008 at 11:04 AM
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008 at 12:25 PM
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008 at 3:08 PM
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Friday, December 19, 2008 at 1:52 PM
Post Your Comments:Actually, I’ve been told that I’m too comfortable in being myself. I don’t like to be called “pastor”, “reverend”, “brother”, etc. because I feel like I am just like everyone else. God issues all His children a special call, mine just happens to be pastoring and teaching. I don’t have a “preacher voice” or a different vocabulary for public speaking. I focus more on being myself so that I don’t have to worry about “putting on the preacher”. Of course, that being said, I would also like to point out that I temper who I am at home so that I am the same person behind my front-door and my pulpit.
I am me, whether it’s Sunday morning or a Tuesday night. I do not act one one way “behind the pulpit” and another way when not behind it. I don’t wear suit on Sunday to look like a pastor, I’m in jeans and a shirt, that’s me. I don’t have the “preacher voice”, I speak like I always do. I like to have fun and be around fun people, I do not take myself to seriously, like Opie said I feel like I am like everyone else. I enjoy going out for wings and having a beer with the guys, and date nights with close friends having dinner with a glass of wine. I do not pretend in any way to be different on Sunday mornings then any other day of the week.
Just look at the ministry leaders who say all the right things and are always dressed in their Sunday best, those are usually the ones we end up reading about here at MMI (except for Todd Bentley he’s the exception!!). They are one way in front of this group of people, then their private lives just don’t match up and they end up in scandal and disgrace.......sad. Why? Because there is so much “pressure” for those in church leadership to live up to not only God’s standards (as we should), but “more importantly my (man’s) standards”. There is no room to be you, you need to speak, act like I want you to and if you don’t........
We have had many folks come and go at our church. I hear from them you need to wear a suit, you can’t say “that sucks” in your messages, you as a pastor should not drink a beer or glass of wine. My answer is always the same, that’s me and I’m not going to change for you so if you don’t like it there is the door. Most leave
great topic.....thanks Todd!
I think Shane makes a great point. This seemingly “harmless” dichotomy can ultimately result in serious consequences when people finally see the man or woman behind the mask. And many church cultures seem to encourage—if not demand—this kind of “play acting.” On the other hand, when a pastor is truly authentic with the people he or she is shepherding, it can naturally lead to a freer expression of authenticity amongst the church at large.
I no longer act differently in private and public, with friends or in front of people…
I have learned how to be imperfect all the time instead of perfect sometimes and messed-up others.
People in my church accept it.
Did I mention I love it here?
I am pretty much the same everywhere. I think even though you are the same you should know who you are withe and where you are. Some humor is appropriate for some audiences and some for others. Some conversations are appropriate for some audiences and some for others.
I also think every pastor needs to be very careful with the use of alcohol. With the overwhelming amount of addiction today we need to be above reproach.
This is an interesting discussion right now for me, since I am a paid performer in a show in my community and am the only Christian there.
I was thinking about this the other day and wondering if I was making any kind of Christian impact at all by being myself (which I think I tend to stay true to).
A guy came to me yesterday and told me that something I had said to him caused him to rethink God and to ask him to impact his life. He’s since stopped drinking and is now daily reading the Bible and praying.
I can’t remember what I ever said to him! I know that I never gave him a “gospel presentation”, but was just myself as we were in rehearsals and hanging out.
I think being real in a secular environment is so important. And we may not often see the impact we have as light in a dark place.
I probably should add that this has been a 3 year gig for me and the guy took what I said to him and year ago, thought about it and started praying. (I wasn’t very clear! Sorry!)
I am not sure I want to be the same in all places, Leonard spoke of appropriateness I would agree. I dont think being the same person is as simple as dressing or speaking the same way wherever you go, there are times that is just disrespectful.
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