DISCUSSION POINT:
Should church leaders step down from their positions of leadership, and/or leave the ministry altogether, at least for a season?

BeHim responds:
If the addiction is uncontrollable and hurting his family and possibly others, yes!  Adultery is the next step from the fantasy and there is nothing worse than a pastor that has wondering eyes, focused on every “babe” in the congregation.

DISCUSSION POINT:
Should they seek spousal, pastoral, or professional help and work out the matter privately?

BeHim responds:
Yes!  They need a trustworthy (mindful and humble) accountability partner.

DISCUSSION POINT:
Should they publicly confess?

BeHim responds:
Oh, mankind loves this!  It gives us something to ‘talk’ about.

Men will cast stones yet with God, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus.

This is a personal decision that should be made in prayer.  I cannot tell someone what they should or shouldn’t do about publicly confessing their sin.  I think at times there is a place for public confession and at times there are things better left with Christ.  It really depends on what the individual is convicted of by God.

I will say however, when they are delivered by God from the addiction, yes, they should discuss their addiction.  The testimony now reveals hope to those lost in the same addiction.  God allows “issues” (I prefer to call them tests) in our lives not so we can learn to complain, but so through Him we are made to call out to Him and rely on Him more and more (by faith) so He can heal us (Lord, why was this man born blind – so the Glory of God can be revealed to men…. In our day we ask, Lord, why am I going through this struggle… so you can rely on me and when delivered you can testify to others about my Glory).  That should produce in us a desire to tell others.  “You too can be delivered, if the Lord is willing”

I also want to add, that if the pastor has committed adultery or sexually harassed a woman with “preying eyes”, he at least needs to speak to his spouse, staff and the people he harmed and ask for forgiveness and reconcile.

DISCUSSION POINT:
What is a church leader to do?
I would start by training church leaders to first hold their tongue by doing a topical study on back biting, tale baring, gossip and slander.

Church leaders need to understand how revealed sin can destroy not only people but entire communities.  Concealing a matter from men is not sinful (hiding and running from God IS).  If a person is looking for someone to help them take these issues before God and seek His Face for a healing, they sure don’t need a deadly tongue and deceitful heart to spread the matter through the “prayer chain”.

It happens all the time and this issue MUST be discussed as a part of “revealing hidden and hurtful (shameful) sins” (especially to one another).

So, what to do about confessing this sin?  First, most pastors have a second part of their flesh they must be truthful to; their spouses.
They must talk to their spouse.  If you can’t trust your spouse, who can you trust?  If your spouse is not trustworthy then there are even more issues that need to be dealt with, but it starts with the pastor’s spouse.

Sometimes it helps to have an accountability partner to help in revealing these things but really consider how you would feel if your wife came to you with another woman (her accountability partner) to talk about lets say the “size” of your love.  For a woman, it’s as destructive to her as that would be to you.  I wouldn’t recommend you using someone else to reveal this sin to her.  Ask God to help you through it.

Also, pastors have a tendency to think that they get together in a staff meeting, quickly cover back biting and tale baring (gossip/vain speech) and then start by telling them about their struggles with porn and then some tears are shed, a hearty prayer ensues and they all leave “feeling” better and leave it at that.  This is the worst possible method to use when confronting this or truly, any other addiction.  Yes, it needs to be discussed with the staff.  Yes it needs to prayed about.  No, it will not go away because you simply talked about it and gave some application steps.  This is not “equipping” the saints, this is correcting and nothing more.  It’s like telling your child to go pick up the room instead of teaching them a habit of making their bed in the morning and cleaning up before they go to bed.  You’re simply feeding them a morsel of bread instead of teaching them how to bake.

I speak to small groups and congregations about addictions and if you would like to arrange for me to talk with you and your church, please email me as you see prayerfully see fit.

Should the leader confess?  1 Timothy 5 anyone?

“As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.  In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus and of the elect angels I charge you to keep these rules without prejudging, doing nothing from partiality.” [1 Timothy 5:20-21]

This *is* different than for the rest of to congregation (non-overseers) and it has a reason: “so that the rest may stand in fear.” It’s so that others may take warning.  Elders/overseers live lives of example, and when they sin that need not—and cannot—be swept under the rug.  This is not about unforgiveness or shaming the man, but for the good of the congregation.  While humbling, he should be willing to undergo this because 1) the Word says to do so, 2) the Word says those who hear will benefit from the warning.  The good of others, primarly the congregation, should be his heart’s desire, not hiding behind pride. 

It amazes (AMAZES) me how many professing Christians read that passage and immediately go into “garden mode” and start dishing up various serpent-inspired excuses why it’s not “healthy” or “loving” for this to happen to their favorite pastor.  Praise God that Paul wrote in the very next sentence that this command is not optional, and (as if he should even have to repeat himself) should not be side-stepped in the case of a favorite leader, nor with prejudice or partiality (a.k.a. “favoritism").

Again Phil, very good points and I concur.  I would hope that if a man is in leadership he is willing to work towards overcoming this disease in his life but if not, 1 Timothy 5 is definately in order and again, I concur, because it is decreed in the Word itself.

I would only point out that it starts with… if that man persists.  I should have been clear in my original post and did not consider 1 Timothy 5.  Thank you kindly for doing so and I won’t make the mistake again.

Thank you my brother in Christ.

Boy! Talk about a Saddleback or Willow Creek and you get debate after debate, mention a sin that strikes a cord and everyone runs for the darkness.

1 out of every 3 pastors struggles with pornography, 1 out of every 2 male parishoneers struggles also and children (both male AND female) by the time they reach their first teenage year (13) will have experienced more sexual inuendos (SP?) or acts than any of the 2 previous generations before them (their grandparents and great grandparents).

Sexual immorality is the NUMBER 1 moral issue in the United States, bar none!

From it comes homosexuality, adultry, fornication, lewdness, lying, theft, murder, dishonor to it’s fullest extent, envy and coveteousness and of course, abortion!

Yet, only four Christians in the last two articles have anything to post on this blog (while others bring out dozens).

The silence speaks VOLUMES of our moral depravity in the church from not actually explaining what the Bible says and why (I suspect because according to an SBC poll conducted in 1992 pastors on average prayed 5 minutes a day and read their Bible less than 15 minutes a day and studied only 2-3 hours per week).

This disease is the fault of the leaders in the church!

Wake up Youth Pastors, you are truly the first line of defense!

Any discussion now?

Nearly two months ago, I resigned from my church position.  The reason, I was smoking pot.  I have been in ministry for over 18 years, and I was leading worship, knowing that I was living in sin.  I didn’t get busted by my friends, by my relatives, by anyone in the church.  I got busted by the Holy Spirit.  I was convicted, so much so that I could not handle the emotional impact.  I knew I had to confess, repent and resign.  I went to the church, removed all of my personal property and music equipment, and left a note in the pastors office door.  I left the keys on the church secretary’s desk and walked out.  I was hurt, convicted, and indignant.  I know I had done the right thing by leaving, but I had done it the wrong way.  Today, I am over 8 weeks drug free.  I have hurt a lot of people, I have decieved people.  There comes a time in the life of minister when hidden sin will find you out.  In my case it was the voice of the Holy Spirit convicting me.  As time goes on, I will face each person one by one that I had deceived.  The healing process takes a long time.  Have I left ministry?  NO! Absolutely not.  I may not be a paid staff member, but God has gifted me with musical talent, and I can’t use it for any thing else except to glorify God.  Will I return to a paid staff position?  I don’t know, I know one thing, God Heals, He Forgives, and He Restores, and it takes time.  I am letting God take his time with me, and it feels good.  If you are a church leader with a secret sin, you need to confess, and take your lumps.  Remember, God chastises those that he loves, and He loves you, in spite of your sin.  Let Him Heal you too.

Peter

Thank you for openly sharing.  Keep in mind that in God’s providence He will use EVERYTHING to His Glory… I.E. He now uses your voice of victory and your voice of conviction to His Glory.

I thank God for you and yes, even your struggles.  He delivered you through the pain and now uses a testimony to others who may be stuck in the same addiction (or others like it).

I praise God for His work in your life through the Holy Spirit.  It stands as a beacon of light for others who are struggling, I just pray they hear but not only hear but act on your testimony delivered through the Work of God!

Thank you and I lift my voice in praise for your victory and testimony!

CTH
Keep struggling through it and always be humble enough to approach God in prayer, forgiveness, guidance and strength.

Install porn blockers on all you computers and give someone else the password (your husband or accountability partner).

Get rid of all the paraphernalia, destroy it, don’t throw it or sell it, destroy it.  It gives you “some” freedom and victory.

Be willing to confess to your accountability partner when you’re struggling and the big one - “resist the devil"… when you feel the urge, recite Scripture, pray and sing a praise song.  Remove yourself from the temptation (even if something needs to be done on the computer, walk away… get away… don’t allow the temptation to fester… come back later).

Above all know that God has already delivered you from your acknowledged sin, when you sin, confess it - in Heaven you won’t struggle with this sin anymore and when you pray, pray knowing you’re a citizen of Heaven and ask for His Will to be done in your life here, as it will be done in Heaven.

Hope those help.