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The Perfect Pastor
Orginally published on Tuesday, October 11, 2005 at 3:00 PM
by Todd Rhoades
This from the Praying Pastor Blog. I’m sure some of you have heard some of these before… The Perfect Pastor:
1. Preaches exactly 20 minutes and follows it with an invitation in which everyone is convicted but no one is offended. 2. Works from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. in every type of work from counseling to custodial service…
3. 27 years old with 30 years of preaching experience.
4. Tall and short.
5. Thin and heavy set.
6. Handsome but not overpowering.
7. One brown eye and one blue eye.
8. Hair is parted in the middle and is straight on one side and wavy on the other side, with a balding spot on top revealing his maturity.
9. Has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all his time with the older folks.
10. He smiles constantly with a straight and sober face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously at his work.
11. Invests 25 hours a week in sermon preparation, 20 hours in counseling, 10 hours in meetings, five hours in emergencies, 20 hours in visitation and evangelism, 6 hours in weddings and funerals, 30 hours in prayer and meditation, 12 hours in letter writing, and administration, and 10 hours in creative thinking.
12. Spends 5 evenings at home with his family, plus a day off, and always stops for interruptions.
13. A seminary graduate, but uses only one- and two-syllable words.
14. Makes 15 calls a day.
15. Spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched.
16. Attends all retreats, goes to all youth retreats.
17. Is always available in his office.
18. His kids are perfect.
19. His mother is rich.
20. His wife plays the piano.
21. His house is large.
22. His bank account is small.
23. His car is in the shop.
24. He is paid too much, too little, and he gives it all away.
25. He is talented, gifted, scholarly, practical, popular, compassionate, understanding, patient, level headed, dependable, loving, caring, neat, organized, cheerful, and above all, humble.
This post has been viewed 211 times so far.
There are 15 Comments:
Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.
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Posted by Al
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 at 4:45 PM
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Posted by bernie dehler
Tuesday, October 11, 2005 at 6:16 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 10:53 AM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 1:32 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 2:50 PM
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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 at 3:45 PM
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Posted by bernie dehler
Friday, October 14, 2005 at 2:11 PM
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Friday, October 14, 2005 at 7:39 PM
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Post Your Comments:How did you get a hold of my resume?
It seems like many times Pastors feel so sorry for themselves. Probably everyone struggles with their job. I work primarily in hi-tech, and struggle with the “perfect hitech worker” issues (products need to be perfect and are due yesterday). I bet those who are “tent makers” hardly complain about Pastoring as those who are full-time. They have some different perspectives. Just some thoughts… and I realize this article was trying to be light-hearted…
“His mother is rich.” Didn’t get it, or this one: “His car is in the shop."… didn’t understand some of the others, also…
...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247
Pastor feels sorry for themselves? Hmm.
Bernie you are not a pastor are you? If I remember right you are not. You have an online ministry which I have visited myself. There is a difference between having to actually deal daily with people who don’t appreciate what you do but expect you to be at their beck and call. From you comments not only on this blog but others you are very insensitive and quick to judge somebody who you can not even relate to because you have never been in their shoes.
I have served both ways. Full-time and bi vocational. Both were fine, because each time this was what God called me to do.
Currently I am full-time and I love it! Don’t mistake someone venting with someone complaining.
Also if you are not even a part-time pastor honestly you don’t know what you are talking about.
Sorry if it is harsh but the truth.
It is OK to vent as pastors but we need to confine our venting to othe friends in the ministry. it just looks bad when pastors complain in front of their people. Another thing that helps me is to remind myself of the incredible privilege it is to serve Christ in ministry, that helps deal with the frustrating moments and it also helps when you constantly demonstrate your love for your people, when they know you love them their support and understanding will grow
Pastor Dan,
I agree that we should not vent to or around are people.
A good dose of humor never hurt anybody and I enjoy the laugh. The most humorous I think was however forgotten-- remember we only work for one day a week. I remember the story of a pastor whose church decided to go from Sunday night traditional service to small groups that the pastor coordinated. The question came up in the board meeting, “Since the pastor wont be preaching should we not pay him the same?’—sometimes others dont understand and it can be frustrating but this world will be gone soon enough and WE not others will have to give an account for out actions done on earth.
You forgot one.
He shares all kinds of cultural anecdotes from TV shows, songs, and movies…
...but of course he NEVER goes to the movies, listens to the radio (except for Christian Radio, which is always playing at his desk, which he is always at), or watches TV…
LOL funny, thanks so much!
Thanks for the laughs. FYI I’m not a pastor either. However, I have been a pastor’s son so I think I still quaify. I hope their are no objections. I especially liked the last one. It really was a synopsis of the whole thing. Oh, and I really liked Al’s comment; very witty Mr. Kitty. Seriously, thanks. I really appreciated that one Todd.
Todd,
Maybe you could categorize certain posts as being for ‘serious discussion’ and others such as this one as ‘no serious comments allowed posts’
It is funny, lets not ruin it by making it a parable...I’m a Pastor who just needs a laugh without qualification!
Jade says:
“There is a difference between having to actually deal daily with people who don’t appreciate what you do but expect you to be at their beck and call. “
You’re right, I have no idea what it must be like. Only Pastors have a hard job. It’s the hardest job in the world. And they don’t get paid what they’re worth. Very unique. No other occupation like it! Not even close! (Did I get it right now?) Sorry to rain on the parade of self-pity.
...Bernie
Bernie,
And Only Pastors feel sorry for themselves as well huh? No other job feels sorry for themselves. No people in other jobs gripe about the people they serve? Should we critize them? Why would I critize a janitor venting? I have never been a janitor. Can I relate. Of course a little, however I don’t know the everyday trials and other things a janitor faces.
Seriously I have heard you sing this tune before. I also have read you enough to know I am doing no good. So sorry if you think I miss read you. I meant no disrespect. Just trying to get you to think before you type.
Jade,
I just get really tired of it when I hear Pastors talking like they have the hardest job in the world… they need Pastor’s appreciation week, and all that… What about car salesmen, real estate salesmen, teachers, hi-tech workers, restaurant workers, air-traffic controllers, etc. Can we get a week, too? How about tent-making tv-evangelists, like me, can we get a week? (BTW, I’m not looking for one.)
Jesus said that He came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. Pastors are the premiere role-model of what it’s like to be a follower of Christ… and they’re whining about it??? My gosh, what do you then expect of their followers? The followers are supposed to feel sorry for their victimized leaders?
Vent… yes, Pastors should be venting about how difficult it is to serve Christ full-time and get paid for it… what?
The more I think of it, the article looks less and less “funny”,,,
Just my thoughts…
We live in a society where religious freedom is so taken for granted. How do you think pastors in persecuted cultures feel when we nit pick about who’s whining the most. I read a story once about a pastor in China that was drowned in a horse trough after his congregation and family urinated in it and they stood by and had to watch. My heart breaks for the persecuted and although there are different forms, I think we in America should be on our knees for those in other countries.Thanks.
The “The Perfect Pastor” was a good example of how in the church someone can express their viewpoint and many others give their interpretation and opinion. People place their expectations and standards on Pastors and their families, and the embelished examples in the article humorous because they were founded in reality. How many readers have their every move scrutinized, judged and talked about? As believers we have biblical injunctives to not be critical of others, including Pastors, but to love as Christ loved the church.
Finally, somebody noticed me! (ha!)
Great article. Fun and sarcastically true!
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