For some, when it starts to get to “close”, when the only way to grow further is to do LIFE with other people, they fly.

For others, it’s ironic that they dislike change, but then when something “small” changes, they fly, necessitating, for themselves, even MORE change. I contend that this group, and most of us, actually like change.

But most I’ve seen “move on” have been uninvolved in small groups or serving in ministry, either because of their unwillingness or the staff’s unwillingness to equip. Rarely have I seen someone really locked into what the church is about leave.

I just read a stat that says the average evangelical stays in their church 4.9 years!  That is a LOT of moving around and a LOT of resources being used up incorporating people and emotional energy over losing people. 

I realize that people move geographically more these days too.

I think many believers try to change externals (another church) because they have not been able to change the internals that might bring them to a better place in their walk with Christ.

I think there are a few factors. First, in my experience, if they’re getting teaching that doesn’t challenge them, they’ll leave. Ultimately, the desire to grow is what keeps people coming back, and if they’re not growing, it is usually because they’re not getting it from the front on Sunday.

Secondly, when there’s no unifying sense of vision and momentum, people leave. If I don’t know what something is about, I will eventually cease to be a part of it.

Third is the law of the herd. Like it or not, big growing churches draw the hoppers. Everyone wants to be on the winning team, and when a church is growing like gangbusters, building new buildings, etc., hoppers look at it and jump on the bandwagon. Americans are just like High Schoolers. That is why the newer trend of career youth pastors planting successful churches as first-time pastors is happening. Where things aren’t happening, people aren’t going. People follow the herd.

It may not be right, and it may speak to a serious problem, but it’s true. Finally, and possibly most important, hoppers move when they feel forced to be in relationship with people they don’t have a compatibility with. Let’s face it, everyone doesn’t get along. I don’t think connecting with people in itself is enough. I think people need to connect with a culture they can relate to. Car guys need to connect with car guys. Single moms need to connect with single moms. Video game lovers need to connect with video game lovers. Ted Haggard wrote the greatest book on this - “Dog Training, Fly Fishing, and Sharing Christ in the 21st century”. Despite his moral failure, I still highly recommend this book.

Along with the book that came out in the 80’s, “Marketing the Church”, the Church in the USA has bought into the idea that the church is about making them happy. Erwin McManus has said “We somehow think that the church is here for us; we forget that we are the church and we are here for the world.” There are many examples of people church hopping and many reasons why. But at the root of the issue is a lack of understanding or a misunderstanding of covenant between God and people, people and God, people and people.  Many “Believers” today would probably be like the “disciples” in John 6:60-71 who left Jesus because HIs teachings were too difficult. When people are in true covenant with God, the teachings that are tough are not so difficult that people walk away. They walk away from one church to go to another because they do not understand their call from God to a covenant relationship with His Church.

Much of the moving around in my opinion has to do with the lack of discipling ministries in most of our church.  We have recently began a ministry called “Operation Multiplication” We believe this will both close the back door and make our front door more open.  see operationmultiplication.com
for more information.

Bill Hanks Jr. was at one time the follow up person for Billy Graham.  This is great stuff.

We have left two churches over the years which were not the result of moving to a new city.  In both cases we had been at the churches over 5 years and in both cases we chose to leave over what we considered moral failure of the leadership.

The failure was nothing so dramatic as adultery and in both cases was only partially known by the congregation.  I’m sure that the leaders would say we were disgruntled (though I would doubt they would say we tried to grab power, but who knows) and they would say they had done nothing wrong.

In both cases those who knew what was happening came to one of two conclusions, either we should never question the leadership no matter what they do, or the leaders were wrong.  Some who felt the leaders were wrong decided to stay and “fight”, others to leave.  After talking with the leaders over a period of time (a few months to a few years) we chose to leave.  Knowing their behavior and their belief that what they were trying to accomplish was more important than how they did it, made it very difficult to follow them.  It was unhealthy for us and for the church.

Many of the postings above fault the people leaving as power grabbers, stiring up trouble, etc.  Frankly I’ve seen just as many pastors “grabbing” power as “lay people”.  The leaders in churches we left would have their version of the issues, we have ours.  Too often leaders are unwilling to admit their own character flaws or to show grace to others who have flaws.  They want only those to take the “never question the leadership” view of the church.

I have a few things to say from the perspective of “lifer”.
I have attended (and am now a staff member of) the same church my entire life. (51 years) My parents were charter members - my 87 year old Dad still attends.  I have watched many, many people come and go through the years for a variety of “reasons”.  This church has weathered lots of storms in it’s 65 year history.  Our church has grown to a healthy 700+ in this small community - so I’ve seen LOTS of change through the years.  As a part of our local ministerial association, I have been able to track many of the “hoppers” through most of the evangelical churches in our county.  From my perspective, it would be easy to get really jaded and critical toward the “hoppers” - and I’ll admit, I have been at times.  But I think a better use of my comments in this forum would be to address why I stay.

1.  My church is my family.  In many ways closer than my biological brothers and sisters - this family has stuck with me and I with them through all the seasons of my life.  I don’t believe that I chose this family any more than I chose my biological family.  For better or worse they are my spiritual family.

2.  I’m no quitter.  Have there been times that I would have liked to “hop”?  Ha!  There have been so many that I have lost count.  There have been times that I’d like to trade in my husband for a different model as well - but I haven’t done it.  I understand the principle that whatever problems I have when I leave will follow me to the next church or relationship.  If I quit on my church - the problem is not really with my church - it’s with me.

3.  Change is inevitable.  The truth is, we all like change - we just like to be in control of what changes.  The problem that people have with church change is that they are not in control.

4.  Unity.  Jesus high priestly prayer for his followers was that they would be one as he and the Father are one and that the world would know that we are his by our love for one another.  I believe that staying committed to my church in word and action is a reflection of what Jesus prayed for his church.  In truth even when people say there is no reason, or that they were “released” from a local church body - there IS a reason.  It usually comes out in their conversation.  I have yet to see one person leave who didn’t have a gripe of some sort.  99% are not biblical concerns.  Even the 1% that are have not been dealt with biblically.

I could go on all day on this subject, but I won’t.  Many, if not most of the people who have hopped from our church to another are life-long friends.  It’s been excruciatingly painful at times to watch them leave.  I have to choose each time to keep my heart open and not get hurt or bitter.  This minimizes the damage to our unity and leaves the door open for reconciliation and return. 

Is there any reason that I would leave my church?  I can only think of three.

1.  The departure from Biblical truth.  This has been a “reason” some people have given for leaving my church, but it’s really a matter of methodology and not theology that has caused their departure. (Church growth or the Purpose Driven movement, style of the music, etc.) I can think of some churches and denominations that I would leave - but we have not strayed from the Bible.

2.  God moved my family to a new city.

3.  God moved me to heaven.

I’m thankful to be a lifer.

I’m know that there are some “lifers” like you that add stability to a church, but most I found to be closed minded and controlling.  Especially those who were multi-generational familties.  They felt they “owned” the church.  I had one tell me “YOU people come in here and want to change things… we like things the way they are.” “YOU people” was anyone who had not been a member for 20 years...including the Pastor.  Guess how easy it was to LEAD this group??  Unlike your church, this one was dying from the stranglehold.  Also, your church is large enough to ‘dilute’ any kind of perceive ownership by lifers.  New comers probably outnumber them.  That was not our case.

I see a lot of people changing churches “for my kids"...."for my youth"… wanting bigger and ‘better’ programs and more activities for them.  Church has become the activity center.  What those kids really need to see is autentic faith lived out at home and Christ at work in the lives of their parents. That’s far better than a mission trip to Mexico or skiing in Colorado.  Kids want parents and leaders that are transparent and can show that what they believe and teach is real, more than they want ‘activities’.

Sometimes people leave because of poor leadership that is unresponsive to real needs.  The greatest need that we can fill for our people is to train them to take up their cross and die.  Just once, I would like to hear a sermon on Luke 17:7-10.  According to this passage when we have done all our work, we have the right to claim the title of “unworthy servant!” As Christians, most of us don’t seem to see ourselves in this light.  We think much “more highly of ourselves” than we should.  Are we in it for what we get out of it, or are we in it to serve the Lord who died to save us?  I often want to ask this question of the people in my church - even some of the staff!

Dave

Dan M writes [An excellent, lively discussion.  But it was the second statistic that jumped out at me: “...On average, just 7 percent of new attendees are formally unchurched.” Church leaders today have an endless stream of books, seminars, consultants, and advice on how to attract the unchurched to our services.  Yet this statistic seemingly says that it is an empty pursuit.]

Either that or it shows that it is something we still have to improve on!

Larry, I understand your point.  We have some of the kind of “lifers” you described here, too.  I have friends who are pastors of smaller churches who have experienced the pain of a controlling group or family. (One pastor friend of mine pastored a church and dealt with a controlling family with the last name Love - how ironic...) These are the ones you wish would leave and take their critical, controlling spirit with them! 

In the last two years, we have experienced a schism (that’s a nice way of saying we had a church split) in our church where some long time families left ("hopped") over control issues.  We’ve weathered that storm and are probably healthier now because of it.  However, let me tell you from experience - it doesn’t matter what size your church is - when this happens, it hurts.  It hurts personally.  It hurts corporately.  And, it hurts the community.  Our church wasn’t always as big as it is now.  When I was a kid we ran around 150 people.  People hopped then too.  Doesn’t matter what size the church is, the reasons behind it or how many “hop” - hopping hurts.  (Sounds like a bumper sticker, doesn’t it?)

I have served under 3 senior pastors and have personally known and loved all 6 of the men and their families who have led our body.  Each one has had a different personality and leadership style.  It’s not always easy for us “lifers” to adjust.  The newcomers DO outnumber us - by a significant amount.  I just think would be childish (and believe me, I’ve been tempted) to get my feelings hurt, or feel displaced by the newcomers.  The newcomers that I get really excited about are the ones who are new - not just to church - but to faith in Jesus. 

Because we are a larger church in this community, people hop in and out with regularity.  Hopping happens (I’m on a roll...) for all of the reasons that have been named. It’s an unfortunate part of life in the modern church world. 

God’s church is HUGE.  We get into trouble (pastors and parishioners alike) when we start thinking we belong to church, or go to church, or “own” a church and forget that we ARE the church.

Years ago (at least 25 now), Moody Monthly Magazine did a column on “Portraits of a Church-Wrecker”.  It made a lasting impression on me at that time a young pastor.

Now, 22 years later, it’s amazing how accurate that “portrait” was.  The names change, the faces, are different, but the characteristics of those who live with their “noses out of joint” remain the same.

Whenever I have a visitor from another church in town who shows up two Sundays in a row, I call the pastor of his church, and advise him that he may want to make a visit on this person.  It helps the pastor “deal” with his own sheep...and also prevents our church from receiving those sheep who may have lost their way.