“Obviously, he had some severe lapses of judgment and has given the world plenty to condemn.”

“Several lapses of judgment?” What!  He sinned!  He sinned against God, his wife, his children and his congregation.  He didn’t forget to get eggs at the grocery store!

I am not trying to pile on Mr. Haggerd here, but it is time the church started calling our “little mistakes” (like cheating on our wives) what they really are - SIN!  Now don’t go give’n me the “we’re all on a journey here, it’s not the destination,” or reciting “Foot prints in the sand!” Christ died and rose again to forgive and deliver us from the POWER of SIN!  Mr. Haggerd needs to repent before God and find victory over his sin at the foot of the cross, not on the counselor’s couch!

And since I am on a rant – Where was Mrs. Haggerd these past three years?  Come on folks is she really that blind?  Don’t get me wrong it isn’t her fault what he did, but I can’t imagine her not knowing something was amiss.

Ok, now you can rebuke me for not being sensitive.

I think you are being insensitive and you didn’t read the post too well either.  She called it sin.  I quote “We must realize that any one of us (or our husbands,) are capable of any SIN which any one can conceive of on earth.” (Emphasis mine) she also said there are issues in our lives that can lead us to doing things that are irrational or damaging.  Two great descriptions for Ted’s sin.  Damaging and irrational.  Yep, that describes Ted’s sin too me.

You say, I’m not trying to pile on… for someone not trying you sure did it.  Hey, here is an idea Pastor Al.  Try mercy.  It’s okay, it wont lead to chaos.  She might be blind, but good grief Al, why don’t you kick her kids too.  They must have known something too.  Knowing something is amiss and knowing what is wrong are two different things.

Thanks, Leonard!

Mrs. Haggard doesn’t need our condemnation - she needs our prayers and encouragement.  She will spend the rest of her life wondering if she should have “known.”

Brian

I liked her point concerning being real in ministry.  Too many pastors and their families are expected to be on a pedestal.  We’ve worked hard in our ministry to not portray something that we are not.  But there are always people who want to put us there.

I have many flaws and though I don’t flaunt them, I expect people in our church to love me for what I am and what I am becoming and who I am, rather than what they expect a pastor’s wife to be.  I can’t count how many have said to me “You’re not anything I ‘ve thought a pastor’s wife should be.” Not sure how to take that one!!

When a pastor’s wife is in a healthy, church family environment, then maybe she will feel the freedom to approach those men that are holding her husband accountable.  The freedom to be real makes it okay to deal with sin in an upfront manner.

Too many minstries expect a perfect pastor’s family .  And too many church members think that the pastor’s family is target practice.

When a church allows this, I think they are just setting up that family to keep secrets.

The Haggard situation is beyond sad.  And it definitely is sinful.  But I also think the Christian community needs to own its own role in their unrealistic expecations of those in ministry.
And I deeply pity Mrs. Haggard and what she is dealing with now.

Did she suspect?  Probably.  But we don’t know that.  I’ve had friends whose husbands were caught in sin such as this, who had no idea.  One was married to a pastor who was molesting a family friend’s child for several years and had no idea until he was arrested at their home.

I think we need to be careful in our speculation to not cross the line of judgement.

Thank you Leonard, I agree that Jinny did a good job of correctly indentifying the “sin” of Mr. Haggard.  To some degree getting excercised over symantics seems a waste of good energy.  I though Jinny’s points were helpful to pastors and their wives.  If she didn’t say it the right way (i.e. the way Pastor Al, or any of us, would have said it) so what.

Randy, I have some questions about your post.  If my wife notices a problem with me, shouldn’t she come to me?  Shouldn’t she have a reasonable expectation that I be honest and transparent with her as a Christian husband?  If I start to act distant, moody, irratible, aloof, mysterious, my wife says, “Michael, what is going on?” It is my choice to tell the truth or to lie.  If I lie it is no me, not her. 

As for Gayle, for all we know, she asked Ted 1,000 times what was going on.  “I had a late meeting at the church”, “I was trying to polish up the last point of my sermon”, “I had to counsel a man struggling with homosexuality.” There are millions of lies a pastor can tell, given the nature of our job, to cover our tracks.  Because Pastors deal with many confidentiality issues, there is a certain level of secrecy that is expected as part of the job.  Don’t blame Gayle.

More to my point, is it possible that we have accepted a certain lack of intimacy and transparency in marriage.  We exepct husbands NOT to tell the truth.  We expect husbands to hold back or lie.  Why aren’t our wives our accountability partners?  Why can I be transparent with John Doe, but not with the woman I am in a marriage covenant with? 

Just some questions…

Peace in Jesus,

mdd