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Ways to Show Love to Your Family
Orginally published on Sunday, July 06, 2008 at 8:54 AM
by Todd Rhoades
Recently, I corresponded with a friend who had pastored for many years. He now finds himself going through a divorce, has acquired a new girlfriend, and a really distorted and tainted view of ministry.
Your family relationship is the most important relationship you have in your church. If things are not right at home, it will damage your leadership, distract your attention, and possibly (as in the case of my friend), cost you your job.
That’s one of the reasons that I was happy to find a collection of practical ways for pastors to love their wives and families. It was compiled by several pastors, and posted at 9marks.com. Here are some I hope you’ll consider this week:
• Come home at the exact time you say you will be home; and prepare your heart to serve your family, not be served.
• Share with your wife and kids some of the good things that are going on in the church, and then thank them for helping to make that possible.
• Give your wife flowers and a hand written card when she least expects it.
• Schedule a weekly time where you watch the kids and your wife gets out to do whatever she wants—not errands. When you can, give her a whole day off from the kids.
• Leave the church at church so dad can be dad at home.
• Pray for your family and with your family.
Above all, guard your family relationship. And take one or two of these ideas this week. They WILL make a difference in your family AND in your ministry!
Have a great week!
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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.
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Monday, July 07, 2008 at 9:48 AM
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Monday, July 07, 2008 at 10:47 AM
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Post Your Comments:Thanks for the reminder today. Some for me are:
Don’t expect them to be at everything and enjoy everything they are at for the church.
Talk to them about them every day. Ask questions and really listen. even when it is about a video game.
be the same at church, in the pulpit and at home. Don’t be a dynamic loving person at church and a grumpy person at home.
let them fail and give them as much grace as the guy who came in for counseling.
Laugh
Do not expect them to make you look better. Let them be who they are.
Thanks!
Here’s one. Do NOT answer the phone at home on your precious day off. If there’s an emergency, people should know your emergency number is 911. Screen your calls, and then you can identify what is really an “emergency” and what is not.
This is a sobering reminder for me. It stung and I needed it.
Thanks Todd
Thanks Peter for the phone comment. I really really hate the telephone and our whole family groans when it rings.
Living next door to the church I have about 20 more things to add to the list.
Here’s the biggie for me… Set healthy boundaries that protect your entire family.
That’s probably covers it all!
But I disagree a bit with the second to the last one. I think it probably depends on the couple and the specific family. We’ve found for our family, making the ministry a team ministry, something we all own as a call from God, has been key to a happy family. No one resents Dad for choosing ministry and making us have to live with it. It is OURS. We own it and all passionately serve.
Our oldest is 24 and our youngest, 13. Our two college graduates have all come back to live and serve here, in a small town. I think that is very unusual and says something positive about how it is working for us.
Our other three are on evangelism teams and routinely head to the park across the street to share their faith, without adult prompting and with a group of kids they get together to do this with.
Now, maybe some of this stems from the fact that we met and married as staff members of a church ministry. We were both called to ministry and we’ve both served in various staff positions.
But I think the team concept has really really worked out well for us.
I think I would hate it if it was his “job” and I was the little woman waiting at home for his thank you notes. (Though those are nice at times)
The downfall for most pastoral marriages in my opinon is unhealthy expectations on both sides. And a significant number of pastors end their marriages by dabbling in porn and/ or not handling money well. I’ve seen it over and over and over.
I think that the healthy boundries are critical. I’ve worked in a church where the pastor had very well defined boundries; when he was at the office, he was very available and when he left, that was it for the day; his time with his family had priority. On sermon prep days, our staff knew not to even bother asking for time with him unless the building was on fire.
I’ve also worked at a church where the pastor was so involved with everything (without any boundries) that he could rarely focus on anything specific unless there was a fire in the building!
Just like fences make for good neighbors, boundries in ministry make for healthy relationships… in the families and at the church.
A good reminder—thanks for sharing it.
I take it we are assuming all those leading and pastoring in the Church are men? Some of us are women. Married women. Following Jesus and leading others because that is what we are called by Jesus to do.
Just thought you’d want to know.
Thank you so much for these helpful tips. The family should always be a priority over work. But a lot of people forget that.
Very helpful reminder for us family people.
Excellent reminder. We should always spend time with our family.
What an oportune advice for all those who have families. Thanks a lot.
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