 |
 |
Why Do Pastors Leave the Ministry?
Orginally published on Tuesday, April 19, 2005 at 6:00 AM
by Todd Rhoades
Scott Williams is a pastor who is no longer pastoring. Recently on his blog, he wrote an essay on leaving the ministry below is a sampling of what he wrote? “many people have asked me why i am stepping out of pastoring, at least for a while. there has been a great deal of conjecture on my behalf. some think it has a subversive twist to it. others imagine that i am absolutely distraught with life and cannot cope anymore. neither extreme really addresses the central issues i have faced. here are a few of the reasons why some of us tend to fade away…
we are tired of pretending that we cannot be hurt. people assume ministers are available for their criticism 24/7. people say things to clergy they would not say to their worst enemies. for some reason they feel at liberty to delve into every aspect of clergy life. they have an opinion about everything we do. they believe it is their god-given right to critique your personal life, your professional life, your emotional state, the way you dress, your use of colloquialisms, your kids, your personality, how much you spend on a car, your friendships, how you drive, how much you fart, the list goes on and on. pastors live their life in the limelight. they, therefore, constantly disappoint people. it is hard to disappoint people all the time. as a pastor, and maybe it is just me, i seem to let people down all the time. recently i was at a small group where several complained that i was not their close friend. besides the obvious fact that i do not have enough hours in the day nor the emotional energy to be friends with everyone, let alone friendly, how can you assume i would would want to be your close friend? ministers spend their entire life pretending to like a portion of the population that they really cannot stand?pastors tend to build up that insecurity the longer they work. they feel the pressure to put numbers on the role, they also realize that people leave the church because of them. that is a heady responsibility to bear. they understand that people don't like them but it still hurts when they have people they have invested in leave the church because of them. this life can be an exercise in guilty and humility. everything that happens which is good is "to god be the glory" ...they know who is to blame if things go bad. add to this that for some reason many churches rise and fall on the health and exuberance of their pastor. after a while pastors tend to jump from one quick fix solution to another in a desperate bid to patch holes that are systemic and often metaphysical. they attend conferences and clinics designed to point out their flaws and obvious solutions. they quickly conclude that they are the problem, the issue, and the solution. they develop a messiah complex. they develop an insecurity complex?
ministers are normal people who struggle with laziness and workaholism at the same time. no one knows what they do during the week so they tend to strive too hard to be noticed or duck out when they can get away with it. they realize that some volunteers do more than they do and it drives them crazy. they vassalate between the drive to do everything and the need to let others do the work of the church. they are control freaks, often out of necessity. sometimes out of ego need.
oh ya, and we love to be compared. compared to huge churches with massive budgets and incredible bands. compared to tv evangelists who spend more on dog food than we will see in a year. compared to amazing speakers, incredible entrepeneurs, and holy monkish nerds who can pray more than we can. that kind of stuff makes us very content.
ya this is a whine but it's my blog and you don't have to read it. perhaps, though, there may be a grain of truth in what you have read. take a look at your pastor if you have one. listen to his or her brokenness strewn in amongst the exterior confidence. let them know you don't need anything from them. shut up about them when others encourage you to spill. tell someone else to shut up occasionally. don't phone them on mondays. don't critique the way they dress when they go to the bank on their day off. don't act amazed when they stumble. we all stumble.
but for God's sake, don't feel sorry for them. they chose this life and it has incredible rewards. just pay them more.
and oh ya, they won't believe you when you praise them but they will obsess when you criticize them. sounds like quite a great life huh? makes you want to join right up i bet...
as for me, i'm just taking a break to get out of the fishbowl for a while. it's a calling - a blessing and a curse. of course now i have to get a real job where people have to get up every morning and put in 8 hours and pretend to care about stuff i never imagined caring about before."
What are your thoughts?
This post has been viewed 1146 times so far.
TRACKBACKS: (0)
There are 91 Comments:
Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.
MondayMorningInsight.com | PO Box 446 | Bryan, OH 43506 |
-
Posted by
Tuesday, April 26, 2005 at 12:30 AM
-
Posted by
Tuesday, April 26, 2005 at 8:56 PM
-
Posted by
Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 9:03 AM
-
Posted by
Sunday, May 29, 2005 at 5:25 PM
-
Posted by
Tuesday, May 31, 2005 at 11:22 AM
-
Posted by
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 6:34 PM
-
Posted by
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 6:38 PM
-
Posted by bernie dehler
Wednesday, July 13, 2005 at 8:08 PM
-
Posted by
Thursday, July 21, 2005 at 7:10 PM
-
Posted by Todd Rhoades
Thursday, July 21, 2005 at 9:13 PM
-
Posted by
Thursday, August 11, 2005 at 10:45 PM
-
Posted by
Monday, August 15, 2005 at 11:45 PM
-
Posted by Bernie Dehler
Monday, August 22, 2005 at 2:25 AM
-
Posted by Bryan
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 at 12:08 PM
-
Posted by
Friday, September 16, 2005 at 5:54 PM
-
Posted by Joe Miller
Saturday, September 17, 2005 at 12:35 AM
Post Your Comments:To the hurt pastors:
I can hear the pain in your writing, I empathize. Know that I hurt with you. I can’t thank you enough for you for your honesty.
Scott,
I left the ministry 12 years ago for the ame reasons. I was so tired of being kicked while I was down I swore I would never return to the Pulpit again. Thankfully, God lead us to a Church where the Pastor understood sometimes the Church needs to be a hospital and a place to hide so that healing can come. God is gracious. It took many years to heal. I am so thankful for the truth of Romans 11:29 “God gifts and call are irrevocable”. He is slowly moving me back into a place of ministry.
My prayer is that Scott and all those who have been beaten, abused and kicked while they were down will be lead to a place of healing and hiding. REMEMBER when you feel like saying “I have had enough, Lord”, He will send and Angel to minister to you, to give you rest and to feed you (1st Kings 19:1-9).
I thank you for all you do and for all you have been through. I pray for each one of you. May God Bless You And May His Face Always Shine On You. You are a special and chosen people, don’t YOU ever forget that.
Another excellent resource in addition to Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome, is the book Before You Quit/When Ministry is Not What You Thought by Blaine Allen.
I served the church for fifteen years and has just left because i can no longer deal with this monster that is everything but what God wants it to be. I believe there is a body of Christ that is the saints walking in a relationship with Jesus. The true church. my family and I dont go to “church”. In order to be the church we had to leave the church. Thank you scott. Daniel Zapeda I have to speak the truth in love. To you i have to say (Your comments implies that the many hurting pastors are just carnal and they need to just get real with God. Arrogantly it undermines their reeality and questions their integrity. We are not complaining because we are winers no Sir we just wan to be real after many years of manipulation,abuse and control. We dont want to pretend anylongr.
In reading over the long list of comments, I notice how they seesaw between, “He’s not Christian enouth” and “Poor guy.” I’ve had the same mixed emotions about my presence in and practice of pastoral ministry for 25 years.
My current position isn’t bad by any means. The people are, for the most part, kind and loving. My problem is, I’m not a visionary, and I’ve been feeling they need that sort to lead them. If they don’t get somebody like that before much longer, well, I’m afraid things might turn ugly.
Please pray for me. I’ve been at this thing for a quarter of a century. I hardly know what I’d do or where I’d go if I left the pulpit. I’m tired and I hurt and I’m afraid.
“Leadership in our churches need to be firm about this because if the shepherd leaves the sheep scatter. I would rather lose a few sheep than see the entire flock hurt. THAT is real love for the people.” Pastor Art.
Please...it is God’s business to discipline HIS children, not our’s. What example are you being that you feel you are the authority on God’s children? Did you die for them? I know this, I’d DIE under your tuleage. People are fragile and abusive treatment can drive them over the edge. It hurts me just to hear you speak this way.
Your tribe must be increasing as more people are growing up and refusing to have a bully for a pastor...they’d rather sit home and study alone and send their money where they choose than support this kind of teaching. Heaven help all of us if you aren’t kidding.
Whoops...the last post was in response to
this quote.
“Is all this harsh? Yes. Sheep need less lovin’ and more beatin’ with the rod. The need correction, rebuke, and exhortation. The day of “nice pastor” is over.
Men and women of God. Get real. Get the rod. Go to work!!!” Quote from Pastor Art
Gary says:
“I hardly know what I’d do or where I’d go if I left the pulpit. I’m tired and I hurt and I’m afraid.”
Too many stay in ministry because it’s the only job they’ve had or could get… not a good reason at all… quite bad, actually…
I am a pastors wife. right now I feel like killing myself. Iwant to support my husband and I know this is what
God wants for me but I have no one to talk to about the pressures of the ministry let alone the issues with my children. . .I really don’t know if I can take anymore!
Hi “AM”
I’m very concerned for you… and have posted your email on a new posting you can check out here:
http://www.mmiblog.com/monday_morning_insight_we/2005/07/desparate_pasto.html
There are many people here, including some wonmen, who have been where you are right now, and we’d like to encourage you in the Lord. Hang in there!
Thanks,
Todd
Scott,
You are not alone. I serve as the director for the association for battered clergy. Yes, there is such an organization. We help clergy all the time. But I too, serve as a pastor. This ‘directorship’ sounds important. What it is, is one damned fool trying to help another damned fool survive this insanity called the ministry.
Call me cynical - but this is what the church will do to a soul. I have studied God, Theology, the Bible, church history and polity - and did so at one of the finest schools of theological training in this country. Not only that - I went back for a SECOND Masters degree in Theology. But honestly, it took working in the church to learn about evil.
And it is the spirit of evil, working in and through the very people who stand up and praise Jesus on Sunday morning - that is killing the church. It is killing the church by virtue of killing the shepherds - then scattering the flock. To give you some startling statistics from our ‘resource group,’
These from the bureau of labor and statistics, U.S. Govt. as of 2000
90% of ALL students leaving seminary, will never stay in ministry long enough to retire. 80% of students finishing seminary who enter the pulpit ministry, will leave within the first five years of service. 89% of pastor’s wifes (in a survey) responded that the most destructive thing that has happened in their marriage is the day they entered the ministry. From 1970 - 1995, 47,567 Roman Catholic Priests voluntarily surrendered their credentials due to stress and burnout. And just this today in USA Today - for the first time in History - not one Priest was ordained in the country of Ireland last year. And comments from pastors still left in the field, but too old to do anything else and too young to retire - “The biggest regret I have is that I did not leave sooner. I have no choice now but to just hang on until retirement. But my biggest regret for staying in beyond reason is that my grown children now want nothing to do with the church. They’ve seen too much of what was done to me and to them by the people who claim to love Jesus.”
This carnage of clergy burnout is coming not from the bloody hands of radical Islamic terrorists - the destruction is not coming from Athiests or any other radical groups.
The carnage of broken ministries and burnout is coming right from the very people we serve. And it is only getting worse with each passing year.
It should be obvious to all by now that I too am burnt out. I readily admit that. Just look what 15 years in the ministry has done to the original call and vision. But thank God I have an exit plan that I will execute in farily short order.
Fully half the people I was ordained with less than ten years ago - have since left the ministry. I’m not far behind. But not so dense as to escape without a parachute.
Randy
I can relate to this brother after being on the Mission field for 10 years. Some of the comments made are kind of harsh and legalistic, it seems many times there are more devils in the church that outside. I feel much better now that I am not a part of all the politics of ministry. Your story made me laugh because I could relate to everything that was said. God Bless
Author Scott says:
“we are tired of pretending that we cannot be hurt.”
Why all the pretending? Pretending about anything will get exhausting. You need to find a way to be real, while staying polite. You don’t need to be a friend to all people at all times; our role-model Jesus wasn’t!
Luke 11:44-46
“Woe to you, because you are like unmarked graves, which men walk over without knowing it.” One of the experts in the law answered him, “Teacher, when you say these things, you insult us also.” Jesus replied, “And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.”
...Bernie
http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/247/
WOW! I have read many of the responses to the post and I have noticed three categories of individuals. 1) Those who are hurt and bitter. 2) Those who are who have forgiven and are compassionate. 3) Those who are judgemental and harsh.
I am a former pastor (10 years) who certainly had his ups and downs. I experienced the joy of church growth, lives changed, families saved and son on. I also experienced the death of beloved saints, faithful couples going through divorce and counseling parents whose kids got hooked on drugs. And I also experienced the harsh words and constant critisism of church members.
In 1999, after 13 years of marriage, I left my wife for another woman. I won’t waste this blog space with all details or reasons and excuses, but it just happened. I instantly saw a church that loved me greatly, turn from and hate me as a general body. I quit going to church for six months and turned to the ravaging sins of the flesh.
What is interesting, not only did the church members turn from me, so did the pastors. I never had anyone come to help me (I don’t know if I would have listened), I never had anyone put their arms around me and try to nurture back on the right road. I never had anyone say it was going to be okay, let’s get through this together. Therefore, I went further away. Fortunately, God did not give-up on me.
To make a long story a little shorter. I got back in church, with my new wife, we repented of our sins, drew closer than we had ever been, and began to serve in church on the other side of the pulpit. That is when my real lessons began. Many things came into persepctive.
I saw battles I had fought as a pastor that weren’t worth fighting. I saw more members loved the pastor, than gave the pastor a hard time. I saw the mean are just louder than the good. More than anything, God began to teach me forgiveness. I HAD to forgive the church. I had to forgive those who had hurt me AND I had to forgive myself for what I had done.
Out of this grew a ministry called 70x7 “Forgive to Live”. I still have a secular job, which I hate, my passion for vocational ministry. I blew that when I decided to be selfish. But I do believe God is going to put me back into vocational ministry. Why? Because I have learned what forgiveness really is. I have learned that it is non-optional. I have learned that you have to forgive to live.
Please, pastors! If God has put a call on your life to minister, RECONSIDER before you leave. You will not find happiness anywhere if your change is motivated by bitterness and hurt! IT WILL NOT HAPPEN! God has made me a more compassionate person and a more thoughtful person, but a part of my joy still escapes me (6 years later) because I left God’s first call on my life.
God bless you Scott and all those who are hurting, there is hope. You can e-mail me anytime or visit my web site at http://www.70timesseven.com.
My burden is easy, my yoke is light. Are the words that come to me. I know for my husband I’ve seen him try to do alot with his own strentgh & his own energy. Being a pastor requires living in the presence of God through prayer and the Word of God. The Spirit of God makes us successful ministers. As pastors we’re not suppose to be friends to everyone or they won’t respect you when it comes time to correct or admonish them. Always expect your reward from God. Lastly never look for recognition
for all the blood , sweat & tears from the people or you’ll always be disappointed.
The search process has made me want to quie many many times. I have never been more weary in ministry then now as I am interviewed, poked, and proded and often feel like a peice of meat. I am more than a resume and a series of accomplishments; I am a man who has given my life to the Lord and served Him with all I am. I just want to be at a church that treats me like a man, and not like a “candidate”.
Page 4 of 4 pages
« First < 2 3 4