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Why Johnny College Isn’t Coming to Church

Orginally published on Monday, July 27, 2009 at 8:38 AM
by Todd Rhoades


Recently, my friend Ed Stetzer gave a presentation at the International Christian Retail Show on some of the research he's doing at LifeWay. He shared the top reasons they've found that young adults are dropping out of church these days. Among the reasons:

1. They simply want a break from church (27%);
2. They felt church members are judgmental and/or hypocritical (26%);
3. They moved to college and didn't find another church (25%);

4. They have work responsibilities that keep them from attending (23%);
5. They moved too far from church (22%);
6. They just got too busy, even though they’d still like to attend (22%);
7. They didn’t feel connected to the church in the first place (20%);
8. They disagreed with the church’s political/social stance (18%);
9. They decided to spend more time with friends (17%);
10. They were just going to church to please their parents (17%).

That is some interesting information. I’d love to see how this meshes with the reasons that older adults leave the church. I think there are similarities, regardless of age.

One of the biggest reasons adults give for dropping out of church is that they feel people in the church are judgmental and hypocritical. Another reason often given is work responsibilities. And then there are those who just want a break, others who have moved and haven’t reconnected with a new church, or are just too busy. And these days, many of us disagree with the church’s political and/or social views.

And just going to church to please your parents? Well that’s still a good excuse, no matter your age. Except maybe it’s your spouse, or another family member you’re aiming to please.

Why do people leave your church? No, really. Why do people leave? Think of the last 5 families that have left your church. Do you even know why they left? And did you or anyone discuss their decision with them after they left?

Young people AND adults leave churches for the silliest reasons. Sometimes a gentle prodding or talk can rescue them from their inactivity in the church. Sometimes not. But too often, we just let them go. We allow their laziness or lousy reasoning to keep them from our or any church, and stand by as they distance themselves from the One who wants, more than anything, to have a day-by-day relationship with them.

Is there someone you should call today to say, “Hey, how are you doing? I’ve been missing you?”

Thanks, and have a great week! You can email me at .

Todd


This post has been viewed 1694 times so far.


  There are 44 Comments:

  • Posted by

    First, welcome back, Todd.  You’ve been missed.

    There is a theme to those reasons above that can be condensed in a single thought: most of those people who are leaving are not saved.  I’m sorry, but, “Wanting a break from church,” shows a heart that does not align itself with the Christian faith.  Same with spending more time with friends and attending church only to placate parents.  We just don’t have many people nowadays who are willing to say this.

    --
    CS

  • Posted by

    CS,, right on, and now i ask why aren’t they saved?  I will try to answer.  THEY DO NOT HEAR ABOUT JESUS AND HOW HE IS THE WAY , THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE.  RARELY DOES THE PASTOR TALK ABOUT SALVATION AND WHEN HE DOES, HE NEVER ASKS PEOPLE TO ACCEPT CHRIST. 

    Evangelicalism (if that is a word) has watered down the message until it is one big warm fuzzy with a movie clip.  OH yes, and the pastor would never offend people by talking about hell, wow that is tooooo radical.

    Sorry, i must be judgmental today.

  • Posted by Peter Hamm

    WOW!

    1. They simply want a break from church
    So do I sometimes.
    2. They felt church members are judgmental and/or hypocritical
    We are.
    3. They moved to college and didn’t find another church (25%);
    Did they really look or want to look?
    4. They have work responsibilities that keep them from attending
    Lame, sorry, but lame…
    5. They moved too far from church
    See above
    6. They just got too busy, even though they’d still like to attend
    They’re being trained to follow the American dream of bizziness… sad, but reality.
    7. They didn’t feel connected to the church in the first place
    We probably didn’t give them a reason to feel connected. We often don’t.
    8. They disagreed with the church’s political/social stance
    Young people want to create truth in their own image… they’ll learn… maybe when they have kids.
    9. They decided to spend more time with friends
    None of their friends are church people?…
    10. They were just going to church to please their parents
    Many of these kids never owned their faith. I’m not surprised, we didn’t include them in the church except in “youth ministry game time”, we never answered their tough questions, we often don’t accept them as they are, and we often make church look like a social club that doesn’t want you as a member.

  • Posted by

    I agree with C S. It is not politcally correct to point out today that someone may not be saved but we must call all people to repentance.  Paul exhorted us to “examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith.” He also wrote to Titus in 1:16 “ They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.” The reality is that 82% of Americans claim to be Christians but according to Jesus Himself, only a few will be saved.  (Matthew 7:14; Luke 13:23; Matthew 22:14) It is utterly unrealistic to believe that 240 million Americans are regenerate based upon scripture. One author wisely wrote that true regeneration does not produce a head full of facts but a life full of actions.

  • Posted by Pat

    CS, I have to disagree.  To say that “most of those people who are leaving are not saved” is a stretch and a broad blanket.  Some have really legitimate reasons (to them) for leaving and others are emotionally or spiritually immature. 

    As I think back over the last few people/families to leave our church, a couple of have been due to music/sound issues, one was a young man who took a position with another church, but was starting to not feel connected based on our church’s approach to membership. 

    I can relate to the feeling of needing a break from church.  Although, I have not stopped going to church altogether for that reason, I have taken Sunday’s off (from church, not Christ).  The taking time off though is primarily for me, due to people issues.  Let’s face it, the church is made up of people, and we can be a bit much at times, particularly if you’re in leadership.  But, I guess maybe I’m just not saved…

  • Posted by

    Pat:

    We have to remember, this article is concerning people who leave church.  Not leaving church for another church, as you described some people you know doing, but people who depart from regular scheduled worship and activities with other believers to where they cannot be seen as being a part of any church family. 

    I, like you, have taken a Sunday, “off,” from church for things like camping trips and being with friends and family.  But there is a big difference between doing that and stepping away from church, which is why I stated that these people are not saved.  Christians should not abandon churches for causes that include worldly pursuits.  And I wish that more pastors today would say to people, “Based on your actions and testimony, I cannot guarantee your salvation,” than to call people who abandon church soundly saved Christians. 

    “Some have really legitimate reasons (to them) for leaving and others are emotionally or spiritually immature.”

    What someone may perceive to be a legitimate reason to leave does not make it a legitimate reason to leave.  To summarize all of this, I will finish my post with Hebrews 10:24-25.

    “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

    --
    CS

  • Posted by Peter Hamm

    CS,

    I know plenty of people who are definitely saved who have “left the church” over the years.

    Although it is very true that many (most?) church-going kids who go off to college and abandon church might not have ever had a real faith journey going on… it’s not the case with every one.

    I think we need to examine what we’re doing with these people when they are in our influence to see what we are communicating. For many of them, we’ve only communicated conformity and some kind of intellectual faith that they in the 21st century, can’t even get. Randy says it well above. [One author wisely wrote that true regeneration does not produce a head full of facts but a life full of actions.]

    If these people have some good habits of prayer, service, and just plain loving their neighbors as opposed to what many of our churches give them (which is often, as far as they can tell, a head full of unconnected doctrine), perhaps we’ll be giving them an opportunity to really encounter the redemption of Jesus, and maybe they WILL be transformed, regardless of whether they take a few years “off” from a church experience that they see as irrelevant.

    I’m not talking about the ones who leave for bad reasons necessarily, but just yelling “repent” louder, as many advocate, isn’t the answer here.

  • Posted by Rick

    After the resurrection, before the ascension, Peter announced a fishing trip. Was he looking for a “break” from church? Was he looking to spend more time with his friends? Was he feeling the press of “busy-ness”? Was he preparing for his post-apostolic career? Or was he afraid that the sacrifices he’d made over the last few years weren’t going to pay off?
    Whatever his reasons, Jesus gently and forcefully pulled him (and the others with him) back to the Call. He shepherded them. We could try to make a case that the modern situation is more complex than that, but it boils down to shepherding and relationship.  Whatever excuse people give for skipping out, we have to follow the model of Christ the Shepherd, and seek the wandering ones.

  • Posted by

    I am really moved by P. Hamm’s comments. I think they are quite true and shed light on many of the internal issues facing the church today.

    Still, we as leaders need to be careful. When people are wounded/offended the enemy seizes the opportunity to create a breach. Why are churches so willing to just let people leave? What happened to leaving the 99 to recover the one? Remember it is our love for one another that signifies that we are His, not our ability to avoid the door as people leave. Consider all that God has developed in you and all that He continues to do and realize that He could have simply allowed you to walk out the door, but love caused Him to reach for you AND work hard to keep you. Our love for Him should cause us to do no less. You can teach someone how to love God and be in real relationship with Him using your life as the example. Perhaps the church needs to conduct self-examination to determine if what we display from the pulpit to the back pew is causing the strain.

    The church understands the real cost of separation. We can ill afford to simply say goodbye to those who leave.

  • Posted by

    Peter:

    Sorry to get a little tangential here, but something caught my attention:

    “If these people have some good habits of prayer, service, and just plain loving their neighbors as opposed to what many of our churches give them (which is often, as far as they can tell, a head full of unconnected doctrine), perhaps we’ll be giving them an opportunity to really encounter the redemption of Jesus, and maybe they WILL be transformed, regardless of whether they take a few years “off” from a church experience that they see as irrelevant. “

    Perhaps I have misunderstood you, and if so, I apologize, but this kind of sounds like works righteousness.  It sounds like you have said, “If a person does a whole bunch of things, like service and actions, maybe then they’ll become true believers.” Or it sounds like you’re saying that unsaved people should be thrust into the regular activities of the church that are intended for those who are saved.

    Please tell me I’m wrong here.

    --
    CS

  • Posted by

    After my first writing here this morning I received a very positive email from a NON-CHURCH, organization that seems to have it figured out.  Saved people, new members, income ,,,,,,,

    I am not a member of this organization, do not own a motorcycle and have never attended one of their meetings. But, I get a lot of of each Monday, with MMI and CMA.  CHECK OUT THE LINK BELOW

    Dear friends in Christ,,,,,,, IT IS HAPPENING.

    http://www.cmausa.org/cma_national/

  • Posted by Pat

    CS-
    You’re right; the article is about people leaving the church altogether.  I stand corrected.  You’re also right that what someone considers to be a legitimate reason for leaving may not be legitimate at all.  But as for the pastor saying, “Based on your actions and testimony, I cannot guarantee your salvation,” that’s not something a pastor or anyone else can do.  Only I through my confession of faith and repentance can guarantee my salvation. 

    Peter-
    When you talk about kids abandoning their faith in college, I was one of those.  Raised in a Christian home and in the church.  We weren’t just nominal Christians.  There was Bible-reading in the home and discussion; what I would call a real nurturing in the faith.  However, when I went to college, I left the faith due largely to unmet needs that were met in unhealthy ways.  That’s why I think it’s crucial for Christian parents to make sure that they have healthy home environments and not be deceived into thinking that because they’re nice church-going folks that nothing bad will ever happen to them or their family.  But then, having done all, each individual is a free moral agent who will make their own choices--all of them not always good.  Fortunately, because of the foundation that was laid for me, I did come back to faith after 10 years.  Thanks be to God!  While I regret some of the choices that I made during those years, those things also help to shape me and my faith.  I’m not sure I would have the walk I have today without having had those experiences.

  • Posted by

    whoops the link didn’t work, when you click on the link , then click on CMA NATIONAL

  • Posted by Dan

    I think an interesting study would involve researching the first 10,000 or so people who joined the church when everything first got rolling --- that initial movement that got empowered by the Spirit of Jesus—ask them whey they joined the church.  Maybe then interview the first 1000 martyrs and ask them why they were willing to die for their church.

    I’m guessing the church that the Holy Spirit started, the church that the martyrs died for—might be a bit different from the typical american variety. 

    Probably more effective for us to learn from those who leave and judge ourselves, rather than asking them to learn from us and judging them.

    Oh yeah—I’m a pastor in a college town.

    Thanks to Ed for his continued work in this area.

  • Posted by Peter Hamm

    CS,

    God news, I’m not advocating salvation by works.

    I am, however agreeing with the entire book of James that if you say you have faith and there is no works to show it, then your faith is dead and worthless (perhaps non-existent?)

    I think that a lot of these folks leaving High School have a dead and worthless faith, and I’d like to see what the church can do to give them something alive and vital instead…

  • Posted by

    Peter:

    I think you and I are using some of the same concept, in different orders, based off of James:

    You:  These people aren’t doing anything, so they have a dead and worthless faith, and they’re leaving.

    Me:  These people have a dead and worthless faith, so they aren’t doing anything, and they’re leaving.

    The difference here, I think, is that I’m of the camp that says that these people need to hear the Gospel and become believers before they do things for God.  You believe more in needing things for them to do so that they then have the relationship with Jesus. 

    It’s not that I think we need to shout, “Repent!” louder, so much as we need to shout, “Repent!” because churches haven’t been doing it when they should.  =)

    --
    CS

  • Posted by

    The premise is that we should try to go after people who drop out of the church. Hard to argue with that because of course, they’re important to God and to us. We WANT them to become (or stay) connected with the church. I think the bigger question is whether we CAN effectively draw people back into the fold once they’ve made a decision to leave or have become complacent about attending.

    Faith and love for God doesn’t seem like something one can compel another person to put on. People who make an excuse that work, busyness, people problems, etc., keeps them from church, probably aren’t going to change their minds - either they’ve become spiritually complacent or they’ve decided that corporate worship isn’t for them at this time. It’s a wrong decision, but I have to believe that if they really know Christ or have been in relationship with him, then inside, they know it’s wrong, but are choosing to do what they feel like doing. They’re most likely to withdraw from those who would tell them otherwise.

    Maybe the person just doesn’t like the church any more or doesn’t feel they’re “being fed” (I hate that term). In that case, why try to talk a negative person into staying - let them find some other church where they’ll feel a closer affiliation.

    If an unbeliever tries a church and doesn’t return, one would hope that somehow God will use that experience and the word that was preached to later speak to and draw that person to God. I think some follow-up is good, but too much, or the person may feel a little entrapped or pushed and want to be rid of the whole thing rather than at least being left with a positive experience that they may want to return to later.

    I think all bets are off though, when someone has gotten connected and enters into relationship with people in the church. Then, they’ve truly become part of the community and we have not just a responsibility to care for them through whatever they’re going through, but have earned the right through relationship to speak into their lives. And while the person leaving may reject the overtures, at least they should know that those they are leaving care and want to be of support.

  • Posted by Peter Hamm

    CS writes [You believe more in needing things for them to do so that they then have the relationship with Jesus.] Nope… I’m happy to say, my beloved brother, that you are inferring. I can understand how, but I’m simply saying that giving people the example of a faith that works gives them a better opportunity to encounter God’s redemption rather than what many churches resort to… turning up the “repent” message to 11… or simply reducing the faith of a Christian to a list of doctrinal distinctives. (NOT saying YOU do that… I KNOW you don’t...)

    I think that it’s good news I don’t believe that, btw…

  • Posted by Michael Dixon

    I have five children, and at least four have been raised within a constellation of Christian communities that stress the need for redemtpion, the power of the Cross, the Resurrection of the body and a life responding to the gifts of Christ with Spirit led service. I am proud of each kid’s highly individualized/even idiosyncratic take on all this because it tells me they are thinking this stuff and behaving based on it all the time.

    But I got to tell you that a region full of churches with youth groups and youth leaders pushing the idea of giving out free bottles of cold water on a hot summer’s day and telling the recipients that God loves them or holding block parties for economically disadvantaged neighborhoods; or hawking mission trips to the newest discovered biggest Latin American ghetto built on a grabage heap, replete with T shirts, a big sendoff and a big return marked by skype updates in between; or shepherding them to hear the newest Christian rock concert; or holding daughters of the King events so daughters can be queen to their father’s king impersonation--this isn’t helping anything.

    The egotism & the marketing mentality when every event includes how much money was raised, how many souls saved, how many rededications took place; the reaffirmations of adolescent schisms between haves and have nots when there are a limited number of spaces, when you have to be the first to sign up with a deposit, when there are lots of adults praising the kids who give “the right answers” in Bible studies and lots more to patronizingly explain what’s wanted to the kids who don’t give the right answers, when ALL the adolescents selected to do solos are slim and good looking, when the kids on the autism spectrum and with Downs syndrome or tourette’s or PDD are kept in the back and out of sight; or the superficiality of the Chrisitan redemption shows up in the fact that all the elite at the local schools and the local sports teams turn out to be the elites at the church group.

    Do you think that my son missed the fact that the youth pastor at our very big, very affluent church wouldn’t visit the son of one our friends when he was in a half way house because he didn’t have time, but was always hanging out in his sjeans and sandala and former Bulldogs physique with the cool kids?

    Do you think my other son missed the fact that all the stories about the savagery of a local high school clique shared at a youth meeting at church were tales of the big adjacent Christian school and not the very proudly pagan local public school.

    There is little heart for the Jesus of the whores and theives and tax collectors here in the affluent, Republican (I am both) suburbs of Southwest Ohio.  I want my newly licensed son to continue to drive slow because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, or to continue in his chosen celibacy because he just doesn’t think sex is apart of his relationships and God’s plan for him.  I want him to continue to get in avid conversations about how you reconcile a forgiving God with the reality of a final judgement, but I have very little hope that this is going to be aided and abetted by the church experience here or at college.

    We are in a House church now, that is lit from withinby the Spirit, but my son is not one of the great mingling communicators and I don’t know that as he settles in to college it is realistic to expect him to “find” a church like ours, and he won’t go to the MC anymore.  My daughter went to Wheaton College and that worked out fine, but she is home in the house church and we will see what happens when she moves away.  The local young life won’t stop sending things about their program to my middle son’s parents (which angers him) and they won’t publically tell us where they meet so we can’t urge him to go.

    Like Job I pray alot and I trust God a lot, but I am not counting oneither the mainstreet denominations or the Willowbrook association to yiled anything positive for my kids.

  • Posted by

    Peter:

    “but I’m simply saying that giving people the example of a faith that works gives them a better opportunity to encounter God’s redemption rather than what many churches resort to”

    Ah!  Now I understand what you are saying.  When people see both doctrine and actions put together, then it is better than a church that has great theology but never acts on it, or a church that is all action but devoid of biblical teaching.  I agree wholeheartedly, and I think you’d agree with this: you see more churches that lack action and faith lived out, I see more churches that lack doctrine and theology.

    Joanne:

    “I think the bigger question is whether we CAN effectively draw people back into the fold once they’ve made a decision to leave or have become complacent about attending. “

    This leads to an interesting question where I have been mulling about recently.  In the Parable of The Rich Young Ruler, the ten lepers who are healed, and a few other places, when people depart from Jesus, He doesn’t go after them to say, “Wait!  Please stay!” So, when we have people who have heard the Gospel choose to leave, should we go after them any more than we go after any other unsaved person?  If so or not, what’s the biblical precedence?  (The same question applies to the notion of, “follow-up,” with an unbeliever.)

    --
    CS

  • Posted by Guido Montesano

    A lot of the people that have decided to choose the #1 excuse for not going to church, usually do because of the #2 excuse on the list.

  • Posted by Dave Hess

    You wrote, “Young people AND adults leave churches for the silliest reasons. Sometimes a gentle prodding or talk can rescue them from their inactivity in the church. Sometimes not. But too often, we just let them go. We allow their laziness or lousy reasoning to keep them from our or any church, and stand by as they distance themselves from the One who wants, more than anything, to have a day-by-day relationship with them.”

    ----- I have been noticing just that very thing lately, and sadly is SO TRUE. It is striking that we church people, especially those who don’t have any official leadership title, can be so passive towards others leaving the church. Many times they are gone for months before anyone says anything. This, I think, is a clear example of hyper-individualism negatively impacting connectivity between church members.

  • Posted by

    Family in Christ,
    I feel it necessary to point out that the Church, in its biblical essence, is the Body of Christ, not the set of organized programs, rituals, and meetings held in towering buildings all over America. Though some do leave the Body for the wrong reasons, it is inaccurate to claim that a person who chooses not to be a part of an established congregation is in sin or has “left the flock” or “left the faith.” Neither is it scripturally necessary to “join a church (lower-case “C")" in order to have a right walk with God. We do need the Body and I’ll not dispute that fact. But consider the faiths of those martyrs--both during the blossoming of the Body and even today--and how their “church” life was much different from what many Americans think is “right.” And many times it was necessary for these people to live solitary lives apart from the Body--Christ alone sustains people in those times. How will our country’s Body survive once following Christ is as illegall as it is in other parts of the world already if She does nor have a firm foundation in Christ and the Word apart from the weekly meetings and often guilt-driven activities?

    Just because someone is no longer a part of a congregation does not mean he/she has left the faith. This person may have chosen to spend his/her life in greater service to the unsaved (something that is hugely lacking in most American churches) alongside a life of seeking God based on what His Word says, rather than what someone tells him/her it says, and cucltivating meaningful relationships with other Christians and non-Christians alike (the latter with the aim of sharing Christ’s love), something which is often largely absent in many lower-case “C” churches today.

    I definitely concur with the notion that many American churches either have connectedness among their members and lack solid teaching, or vice-versa.

    An interesting resource for those interested is the book, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore? It has some really good insight.

    In Christ and in love,
    MK

  • Posted by Jim Liberatore

    In 25 years of ministry, I do try to ask people who do not come back why they do not. Most do not respond to me but, over the years, a trend emerges.

    1) We are not their cup of tea (we aren’t for everyone, there are other great churches in town.)

    2) They didn’t feel welcome (we have a mixed record on this.)

    3) My sermon upset them (it does my wife, too, at times)

    4) The kids are too loud. (they give me a pretty good run for my money.

    I always have to look at myself. I don’t blame the visitor. I dont’ think Jesus would either. He’d love them.

    No one come to church inadvertently. They were hungry for something to which Christ has an answer. My job is to give them Christ in a compelling way and community. We have a ways to go. Even the saved sometimes disappear for a season. I figure Jesus keeps up with them.

  • Posted by Health Retreats

    The day Johnny was scheduled to be released, he stopped by the chapel and told us he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. He said he wanted to live his life for Christ and help others. The chaplain gave him the address of a couple churches in the area where he was going to live.

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