I agree with Lori. This is not a story about dress code; this is a story about one man’s problems with women, and his desire to control and oppress them.  It has always been interesting to me how the legalism in any religion—be it Islam or Christianity—usually hits women the hardest.  They are the ones whose behaviors and clothing are more strictly controlled.  In the book “Captivating” by Jon and Staci Eldridge, they talk about how Satan attempts to veil women’s beauty (inner and outer), and legalism is one of his favorite strategies for doing so.  IMO, this particular pastor needs to examine his own heart and attitudes towards women, and get some serious counseling before continuing in ministry.

Monkey photos. Now.

At our church, we had a code for appearing on the stage/podium/altar area (if you got up in front of everyone); it stated covering the 4 b’s, and for guys shirts tucked in. Our culture was such that a guy with untucked shirt wasn’t respected. Say what you will, i thought that was pretty minimal AND it only was asked of those standing before the church.

Several people have commented, quite rightly, that this story about the legalistic pastor is not about a dress code, and it certainly raises serious issues about the pastor in question.

However, while most of us quite sadly agree that the extreme behaviour of this pastor is wrong and overly reactionary, the topic of how to dress for corporate worship is still worthy of our consideration and discussion. 

Personally, I think that beachwear is better worn on the beach, and sportswear is more suited to recreational activities.  Someone mentioned about the trend toward guys having shirt-tails hang out.  I’ve witnessed this at a church service, and it strikes me as a kind of deliberate statement of dis-respect.  They know that some people will find it offensive and distracting, just like baseball caps, as an example, are found by some to be offensive.  Yet the choice to wear controversial clothing is made as if in defiance.

Clothing with logos or sayings is obviously distracting to anyone trying to focus on worship.  The whole purpose of those who market clothing with logos is to make you think about their product.  Simply put, it’s distracting to worship.

Just as importantly, the same people who choose to dress shabbily for a worship service, or with a studied and purposeful casualness or messiness would seldom consider dressing the same way for a job interview. 

Why is our worship together worthy of less respect than a job interview?  Is not respecting each other when we gather to worship worthy of the same level of respect as a job interview? 

And while a suit and tie may be a bit extreme also, it at least suggests a level of respect for the occasion that is not offered by flip flops, a baseball cap and a sports sweater featuring a beer or rock group logo or other secular comment. 

We come to a church service to worship the Lord and to lead each other in worshipping Him.  Any things that we do, say, or wear which distract each other from this sole purpose are entirely unsuitable for the occasion.  We don’t need a dress code for this.  We need only to prayerfully seek God’s guidance and wisdom to make suitable choices. 

Purposefully defiant, stubborn, extreme, and controversial statements in our choices of clothing should not be given a place in a house of worship.  And despite the very bad leadership by this pastor, modesty of dress (for women) can often be an issue that cannot be totally ignored either.  We all, however, should be seeking less controversial happy mediums that will avoid alienating any members of the body of Christ.  This, too, should not require a dress code. 

The principle of avoiding offending each other is clearly taught to us in scripture.  Perhaps it is this that we need to revisit in our thoughts as we prepare to dress for worship next time. 

Blessings,

Steve Riches

Recently I asked the girls/women in my group to share about why they had dressed the way they had that particular Sunday morning. 4 out of 5 said something like, “I wanted to feel sexy.” “I like to look sexy.”

Walking down the hallway with them, I kept a close watch on the men as they were walking past. Ooooops.... there went a whole bunch of eyes.

Later on I was in the ladies’ room - the conversation went something like this:

Woman #1: “Girl, you are looking mighty hot today. You not only had your hubby’s attention but several other guys as well.”

Woman #2: “My husband asked me to wear this today. I feel so under-dressed. Almost like I’m naked.”

Woman #1: “But if you husband wants you to dress that way, you should. It’ll keep him from looking elsewhere.”

Ummmmm. Wrong. That husband was one of the ones was neck almost broke turning to look at the girls/women as they walked by.

Okay.... To paint this picture even more clear..... The girls/women in my group that day were all under 21. One had just turned 18 a few months ago. They all have babies. The women in the ladies’ room are both in their late 40’s. The men that I noticed the most - in their 50’s.

Personally, I believe the whole “dress” issue isn’t just about women. IT is about men too. Even more so I believe that it is about the conditions of the heart. Should one really want to feel or look sexy when coming to worship God? Should a husband want other guys to look at his wife and think, “Dang, she’s sexy. That lucky dog?”

Camey,
You hit the nail right on the head. Squarely.

I appreciate your thoughts, Daniel, regarding the discomfort for everyone else created by people who choose to attend church in clothing that looks as if they’ve just come from a nightclub. 

But perhaps the question here, if in fact, they have just come from a nightclub, would be whether the lifestyle of the nightclub, even apart from the clothing issue, is a good idea in the first place for someone who values scriptural principles enough to want to worship God.  But I guess that’s another topic altogether.

Also, to me, the issue of dressing respectfully for church is not one of dressing to respect the institution of church, but rather dressing to respect each other with regard to the purpose for which we have gathered together, which ought to be God-centred worship. 

In addition, when we dress in our daily lives, we do wear different clothes to suit different occasions, so it’s not a case of dressing the same for worship as we do during the week.  We vary our attire even throughout the week.  A suit and tie on the beach doesn’t work very well either for swimming or beach volleyball.  Similarly some clothing doesn’t work very well in the context of helping each other to focus on our corporate worship together. 

And I wholeheartedly agree that both our customary dress and behaviour ought to reflect our values throughout the week, not just on Sunday, despite some necessary modification of clothing to suit specific occasions.  I’m not sure, however, that a nightclub lifestyle should ever be one of those choices for a Christian.  I realize that it is possible not to get drunk, use drugs, or behave immorally while attending a nightclub, but such activities tend to go hand in hand with these events, which are definitely of questionable character for a Christian.  Not only would attending require special discipline on the part of a believer, but it would expose us to potential dangers also (e.g. date rape drugs, etc.). 

And even resisting the usual temptations that are a standard part of nightclub life would certainly set a Christian apart from a majority of those in attendance.  So, why would a Christian want to attend, but at the same time try to separate themselves from all of the usual, and typically immoral behaviours that characterize these events?

The nightclub sideline is a bit off-topic here, but I thought it was worth a comment, as it pertains to dress choices in general and dressing to meet together for worship in particular.

In summary, I guess I’m a bit traditional on this one. Attending a good show on occasion doesn’t seem unreasonable to me, however, avoiding the typical nightclub lifestyle in general, I think, is a wise choice.  And certainly, I would advocate avoiding dressing provocatively for such on occasion also.  I realize that for women, clothing choices are somewhat more challenging.  But a desire for moderation should always govern all of our choices.  And when making these choices, we should always keep in mind that, as believers, we are in the world, but not of the world. 

Blessings,

Steve Riches

Hi Peter:

I have been thinking all along that the people we have been talking about with reference to inappropriate dress are believers and regular attenders, perhaps even some who are participating in leadership roles on the platform. 

I, of course, welcome all to attend, regardless of their dress.  We, however, shouldn’t dress equally inappropriately just to make visitors comfortable.  Nor should we focus on a visitor’s choice of clothing when his or her spiritual welfare is our primary interest. 

Jesus associated with sinners.  But he didn’t either condone or emulate their behaviours.  I, too, would welcome all who choose to attend.  But I won’t dress shabbily or inappropriately in order to help the lowest common denominator in society to feel comfortable.  In fact, if they feel too comfortable, they may not realize their spiritual need. 

But for those of us who have already embraced the teaching of God’s Word and are seeking to live according to the principles it teaches, such as moderation, love, and so on, we ought to consider how we affect each other at our worship gatherings and act and dress accordingly, especially those of us who are entrusted with such important roles as that of leading others to worship God.

Steve Riches

Brian, I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone assuming that the pastor in question is “stuck in the 50’s” or “abusing women”.  However, the policies that he is calling for, specifically targeting women’s dress code, and women in leadership roles, and women not speaking during services, does the beg the question of why women only?  And in this cultural atmosphere, it doesn’t fit well.  How will they reach women for Christ if they’re not allowed to attend worship b/c their clothes don’t fit in the dress code?

Brian, I don’ think there is any question that he is abusing women.  He refused to allow women to serve communion, for Pete’s sake.  And unless his target group is the Amish, I doubt he formed his dress code to “reach the culture”.

I would agree that dress styles are more culturally based than spiritually based except in the area of modesty. I have seen our church change gradually from a church where most men wore ties and/or sport coats to a church where the dress is more casual. What I have not seen is a drop-off in any way to reaching the lost, preaching the gospel, or training future Christian worlers (our own church vision). In the cooler weather, some men still choose to wear coats and ties. many others wear clean jeans and a pullover shirt. Those who obsess about what others wear may be wasting energy that could be better used elsewhere. Isn’t what is inside a person more important than what is outside? I have attended churches in the past where I saw people more concerned with what they were wearing and what others were wearing than what was being taught. Needless to say I don’t go there any more.

As for women in the church, my denomination does not ordain women, but women serve on our church administrative board (two as officers) and lead and serve in various ministries. It is a scriptural interpretation that I agree with although I don’t see it as one of my core beliefs. I do think this pastor has an issue with the place of women, We can only hope that his congregation will read the word and be convicted that he is wrong and take action. It is one of the weaknesses of some independent churches that there are opportunities for abuse of authority.

By the way, I was never a hippie even back in the 70’s. I use Microsoft Windows and even used to have an occasional beer or wine before developing diabetes.

On to 100!

Somewhere above you asked us, Todd, how we were raised. 

The Baptist church I attended as a child went through a time of struggle through this and I remember when there was a debate about whether girls should wear pants on Wednesday night, but they maturely moved on and later embraced a sense of freedom in worship and still do so today.

I don’t remember feeling particularly oppressed and my father who was a leader in the church routinely had his glass of wine with dinner.

As to our church, I too believe culture plays a big part in how you dress at church.

Our community is in a resort and if a man comes strolling through town trying to do business and is wearing a tie, people will not do business with him.  It is a very casual community.

So, try being a pastor in a tie.  You start out on a level of mistrust.

We have skiwear, hunting camo, you name it, it’s at church.  But I don’t think modesty has ever been an issue.

I would say too that a good percentage of our ministry has reached burned church attenders.  And I have heard several times how accepting our church is and that you can “be who you are” and “wear what you wear”. 

I think that’s a good thing.  Clothes or lack of them have not gotten in the way of community and ministry in the lives of individuals.  And when it does, whether the discussion is on how dressed up you need to be or how hot you look, we are no longer focused on worshipping God and learning of and serving Him together.

When either of these happen, I think God is displeased.

Having been raised in a conservative but not especially legalistic church I must admit that there are some things that bother me about the way that some people dress to come to church.

In the church that I now attend we have elders that come in ragged blue jeans and stained tee shirts.  While I believe that they have freedom in Christ I also believe that they should show respect.  I don’t believe that they could wear that type of clothing to an office or to a job interview but yet they feel that they have the freedom to wear it to church.

Jesus did welcome all to the kingdom and made no distinction as to what to wear and I believe that new comers and new believers should be allowed to come as they are.  What bothers me is the casual attitude and almost defiant attitude that older, supposedly more mature christians sometimes have.

I think that this is a heart issue and an issue of respect for God and the things of God.  Look at the temple worship that God ordained.  It was high and holy and included beauty and reverence.  Jesus did come to call sinners and he was inclusive of all but I don’t believe that he did away with reverence.