Yes, I think a lot of churches do have these people, and yes, I do believe we are called to demonstrate to them the love of Jesus. But this is where we have to think of love in its true sense, not the often misunderstood sense of meaning that if you love someone you give them what they want and let them walk all over you. Two examples spring to mind: (1) a loving parent both praises and disciplines his/her children, and (2) Jesus demonstrated God’s love to everyone, but that didn’t always mean saying “yes” to them.

Trouble is, it’s too easy to go off the other end of the scale and to use terms like “tough love” as a cover for a lack of any kind of love and compassion. As in most ares of life, the easiest route for fallen human nature is to gravitate towards one extreme or the other; the best route, and the hardest one to walk, involves finding a balance.

I see this often.  What I’ve rarely seen is a leader who has the ability to confront the bad behavior in love. The problem is that often these complaining, negative people have a legitimate concern.  They express it in hurtful and negative ways, and sometimes seem to enjoy that.

What I’m learning (from a very wise man) is that when complaints are listened to and acknowleged, *and* bad behavior is named, the negative member loses a lot of the power to disrupt.  Same thing with someone who’s complaining.  Confront the complainer, acknowlege anything that needs to be corrected, and name the bad behavior.  Goes a LONG way toward quieting these folks… or at least encourages them to move to the next church down the street.

From a little different perspective; (what I think I have observed) when the church is in a healthy curve, and the congregation has the ability to measure what the difficult one does and says against the Word, the d.o.  is accepted and loved but the behavior understood as unacceptable.  The old tricks are not allowed to have sway.  From a pastoral view as was stated we must love them as we do not approve of the bad behavior.  The congregation as a whole will reflect, our attitude, if we are around long enough.  Unfortunately we are not able to fix everybody, and it is posssible that the best place for them is down the road, (it is thoughtful to provide an apple for the trip, and a road map for direction).  I would rather surround myself with people who love me and approve of all I do and think, but seems like I dont grow much when I do.

I don’t think I agree with the quote.  I’ve been a part of a lot of different groups, organizations, teams, committees, etc. and in everyone of those I have come in contact with people who are:  rude, demanding, insensitive, coarse, gossips, etc.  I don’t see it as being limited to the church.  The quote is that there are these people that no other group in town will have, maybe…, but I think each group has those folks that no other group will take either.  Life is funny that way, and people are so unique and different, that you’ll always run into people that try your patience and make things hard.  Thank God for the folks that are truly an encouragement and a blessing!

I’ve found that sitting down with them and talking face-to-face for a period of time helps.  Allow scripture to reveal errors and deal with issues in a Biblical manner.  Sometimes just going over the Gopsel message helps.

say, what would you do with an ex-leader who doesn’t believe that the current leadership is “called” by God to lead the flock? what do you do when this person say to you “i don’t agree with you, but i will be willing to support you.”? what do you do when this person subtly disrupts the words and actions of the leadership, just by his demeanor, his attitude, his negative remarks to “certain” brethren?