I Don’t Like My Church Anymore
- Posted by: Todd
- Posted on: Mon, September 27, 2004
- Viewed 282
- (54) comments so far
It hasn?t always been this way. I used to love going to church. I would look forward to it every week. I loved the worship time, ate up the preaching and enjoyed the fellowship with the people around me. However, all this has begun to change for me lately. I?ve come to the point where I don?t want to be bothered with talking to people. It?s not that they?re not good people, it?s just that I really don?t want to talk to them. I find that I?m not as interested in the worship and preaching as I used to be. In fact, I usually find every possible way to criticize the songs we sing or the delivery of the message (that?s the effect Bible college can have on some people).
You see, the problem with all this is that I?m in ministry myself. It?s actually my job to be at the service on Sunday morning. Maybe that?s part of the problem. Maybe I?m bitter that I have to go into ?work? while other people can go and enjoy the service because they have no obligation.
There?s a larger problem involved, however, and I don?t believe it?s a problem that is uncommon to people (particularly twentysomethings, of which I am one) in the church today. You see, I walk in to the church service, sit down, cross my arms and expect God to do something in me. I expect the worship team to bring me out of my apathy. I wait for something the pastor says to catch my ear. What?s the problem with all this? It?s me. Nothing has changed in my church since the time when I enjoyed coming. I?ve changed. I?ve become more selfish. I?ve become more cynical. In fact, it?s gotten to the point where my girlfriend told me yesterday that maybe she should sit somewhere else during the service because she can sense that I don?t want to be there.
More than all this, I?ve come to expect the church to forge my spiritual development. Instead of working on my own prayer and devotional life, I want the church to do it for me. Please tell me I?m not the only one in the Body of Christ who has this problem. Please tell me there are other lazy people, who come to church on Sunday and expect to be filled up for the week ahead. Meanwhile, they have no expectation of giving anything. (I?m not talking about money either.) We aren?t willing to give of ourselves in worship. We aren?t willing to give of ourselves to each other, to minister to our friends who have hurts too (we?re not the only ones who hurt, even though we?d like to think so sometimes).
I?d like to blame all this on our American culture of selfishness. I?d like to say that I am this way because I?ve been socially conditioned by all the advertising and marketing that I?m encountered with day after day; advertising that says things like ?Have it Your Way.? Well, I do want it my way. Don?t we all? Isn?t it true that if we don?t like how things are done at one church we can just go across town (or across the street, for some of us) and find a church that suits our felt needs better? Is that what Jesus intended for His church? Did He want us to forsake our churches just to seek ?greener pastures? somewhere else? It?s true that the Church is flawed. No church is exempt from this. But instead of giving up (or becoming total cynics of every last detail) we should be working to change that which is wrong in our churches, but more than that?to change that which is wrong in ourselves. And changing what is wrong in us is probably the harder of the two. Selfishness doesn?t go away easily (trust me, I?ve still got plenty of it). How else can we work to change from selfish people to gracious and generous people other than asking for the help of the Holy Spirit? There is no other way that I know of (and I?m sure I?ve tried many) to deal with sin of every kind.
In the end, I can only blame my own sinful nature that allows me to become like I am. It?s my fault, not my church?s, that I think and act this way. Until I, and those like me, are willing to own up to this, we will continue to be unfulfilled Christians who take up space in the pews on Sunday mornings, but have nothing to contribute to the radical mission that the church is called to.
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What are your thoughts? Have you had these same feelings? Did you come to the same conclusion as Doug or something totally different? Please leave your comments by clicking the comments link below.
Oh, and by the way... you can see this whole article at the RelevantMagazine.com website now as well!
Todd
When the alarm goes off on Sunday morning, what is your attitude? A sense of excitement or a sense of foreboding? I came across a very honest, interesting and thought provoking article by Doug Tappan this week at RelevantMagazine.com. Please take a couple minutes this morning to read this… I think it will hit a nerve and challenge you as you start your week. Doug writes…
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Comments
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Sara on Thu, December 06, 2007
I can relate to this article, though I feel like the author is coming at it from a different angle than myself.
I am a church worker (education organizer) for a small (500 members, with approximately 150 attending each week) church in the Midwest.
I find myself not enjoying coming to church anymore either.
However, my reason is partly due to burnout: Due to dipping into the same pool of volunteers for children’s programming (and then having to do a lot of it myself-such as Children’s Church, which takes place during the worship service)—I end up missing the worship service anyway. So what spiritual nourishment do I get? None.
Our church already has Sunday school for kids, but that takes place after the worship service. Children’s Church is after about 15 minutes of the service, and whomever goes to run it has to leave and then miss the entire service. No parents want to volunteer because they are so happy to not have to deal with their kids during worship.
But, I ask, how are kids going to learn about the worship service if they aren’t there?
I feel my burnout has more to do with my church trying to “entertain” everyone rather than focus on the fundamentals: the worship experience. This entertainment model is the same sort of thing that so many parents feel compelled to do today: to overschedule their kids so they can be sufficiently ‘well-rounded’ and not get ‘bored.’ At church, I feel like a soccer mom running kids around (and I might add that I don’t have any kids of my own).
I know its important to minister to kids, but that’s why we have a short “Children’s Time” during the service and Sunday school. Isn’t that sufficient?
In my mind, church shouldn’t be about entertainment, it should be about worship. It should be about reverence, and it should be serious, and it should be about community. I am Methodist, but I married a Catholic. Lately, I have felt more spiritually fulfilled at my husband’s Catholic worship service: We went to Mass, we were allowed a quiet time to reflect and worship, and even the kids (except for a short, 10-minute children’s liturgy) sat there and took part in the service, being mostly quiet the whole time. This is how my husband grew up, and now, he takes church seriously and feels he “needs” it each week. After Mass was over, we returned home, and I felt more refreshed than I had in many weeks. I felt that the focus is where it should be. I wish my church would focus less on the “let’s-entertain-everyone-with-programming” model and focus on acknowledging various age ranges of attendees during worship, without having to orchestrate these grand, often difficult-to-staff marketing schemes.
Just my two cents.
ashley onyia on Tue, January 22, 2008
This really blesssed me man of God. I was just, and I mean just asking God to help me with this. I am in that stage right now. 20 something, in ministry, and unfullfillled only because of my selfishness. Thank you so much for being obedient to the Holy Spirit and posting this…God Bless you!
Tee on Fri, July 25, 2008
I have moved to a city where my fiance is currently staying in. The church that he belongs to is the Local Church. I like going to church, worshiping God and listening to the preaching and all. However, I don’t like to go to this church. The preaching is about Recovery of God at ALL TIME! And they don’t preach from contents in the Bible, but from some booklets that were written by the church (,though there are quotes from Bible). I feel troubled going to church on Sunday for the sake of going to church, which (seems to me that ) at least 20% of the members of this church are doing (because they chat with friends, play with their own kids when someone is preaching on the stage) including myself and my fiance. I feel more comfortable and understand more about Jesus and Christianity by studying bible in my room than going to this church. I really wish to go to some other church in the same city. However, his family are strong fan of this church and the possibility of family members going to other church has never come into their mind. And it is the “practice” to go to church on every Sunday. Sigh.. Can you tell me what I should do? I have read a lot of bad comments about Local Church and I personally agreed with most of them. If one is going to a church that she doesn’t feel comfortable with and feels that the church can’t help her know better of Christianity , should she still stick to the church because it is her selfishness that makes her dislikes the church?
Brian L. on Sat, July 26, 2008
Wow, Tee.
I honestly don’t know what to say except that your spiritual health is more important than any relationship you have on earth - including an upcoming marriage…
I hate to say that because I don’t want to come across as insensitive to your engagement.
Is your fiance still living with his parents? If not, he would be free to check other churches. Of course, this brings the risk of his being pushed out by his family, so that’s not something to do rashly.
Again, not sure I have a good answer, and don’t know if anything I just wrote made sense at all.
There are probably some really great churches in your area, and it may be that you need to check them out by yourself for a while.
Nicky Nuñez on Fri, September 19, 2008
I’ve been looking for something to help me understand the frustration(s) going on in my church. I believe your article has helped grasp this. I am a victim of this and am seeing victims reacting in ways that are destructive. I think our church should look to God and teach a series of sermons that will speak to the dangers of this phenomenon and the possible solutions. Thank you.
Pat Nettle on Sun, March 29, 2009
I feel very similar only I am a pastor’s wife. I am forced to attend the church where I am worshiping. I suppose I have have a resentment towards being here because I have no choice. My husband and I had no idea how ugly this church was when we came here. We’ve been here 7 months now and I can’t believe how hateful the members can be. I couldn’t be true to God and invite people here because I think it’s a terrible community. It seems like the more I serve, the more disgusted I become because of the hostility among members towards any change. I dread Sunday mornings. I’ve tried communicating this with my husband but he becomes angry with me and is very hurt. I’ve given up on trying. All I know is that after our time is up here, I don’t want to be in ministry any longer. I’m through. BTW, I’m not using my real name.
Sarah on Sun, April 19, 2009
It was a relief to find that other people struggle with attending church too. It’s not that I have a problem with my church itself, or our minister (who does a really fantastic job preparing and preaching each week), but that I don’t feel like I fit into the congregation anymore, many of whom are much younger than I am. The service is aimed at a younger crowd and I often find it overwhelmingly energetic and noisy. The other problem is the cliques that I had thought I’d left behind at highschool over 10 years ago and don’t fit in with any more then I did back then. I’m finding myself trying to make excuses not to attend each week.
Of course I have tried the morning family service, but not having kids and being 15 years plus younger than everyone else, I feel very out of place there too. I’m thinking now, after reading everyone’s comments, that I should keep in mind why I am going and be grateful that I am even able to go to church at all. For now, I think I’ll start getting the sermons off the internet and church at home…
Ebony Griffin on Wed, July 15, 2009
Unbelievable! I have felt the same way as this writer for so long but I haven’t been able to articulate my thoughts and emotions. This article has turned me around. In fact, I’m going to post this in my church. I’m sure it will save someone’s soul. Thank you for stepping forward and not being afraid to say this.
Ekklesia on Mon, February 01, 2010
Hey Todd, I’m Chris. I pastor a new church in Michigan, and I’d love to see you enter our church’s video contest called “Don’t Like Church?” Your video just needs to illustrate why you don’t like church, or why other people don’t like church, in 2 minutes or less.
For info and examples, see http://www.dontlikechurch.com
Thanks for considering,
Chris
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