God is great God is good. My families situation is over and we won’t be leaving our church. God moved and answered prayers overnight.

I think a lot of people leave churches because of the attitudes which have been demonstrated by many of us in these postings!

Daniel,
I am the one who posted that comment that you took issue with. I in no way meant to offend you.  I just think we can state our opinions without talking down to one another. 
What you stated in no way related to my intention of my statement.  I think you mis-read what I was saying.  You can express your opinion as much as you want, just don’t talk down to us.  Different opinions are good for all of us to hear.  What is not good to hear is someone acting as if they are better than you.  Again, I am not saying that is what you are specifically doing.  I just get tired of people on this blog talking down to one another.  I would like us all to treat each other like equals.

With all Respect.
Jade

Don’t hesitate to make a change in churches. In following the Spirit’s lead through life, you know that He’s got both LESSONS for you to learn and SERVICE for you to perform. Part of your training where you are may have been to learn what it’s like to be frustrated in a local fellowship so you can help prevent it somewhere else down the road.

By God’s design, all of us need need both input and output: to be fed and to serve. (He won’t always put us in a position of “equal parts” input and output.) He will guide us to a place where He can achieve through us what He wants. And if He’s not telling you to stay where you are, then He may well be “frustrating” you into the awareness that you need to move on to the next “place” He’s got for you. If He led you there, then there’s been some good intended from it; take the good you’ve experienced there (even if they are good lessons on what NOT to do!), and move on to His next duty station for you.

Just because we’re Christians doesn’t mean we’re not different in personality, culture, skills, tolerance levels, etc. We’re not “one size fits all” - and we won’t all function our best in “just any” church setting. We need to be responsive to God’s direction to go where He wants us to go when he wants us to go (or stay if He wants us to stay, and look for His reasons). Where He will lead you (or keep you) will be a fellowship that “fits” either the learning side or serving side of you at that point in your life and in the lives of those to whom you’re led. If it’s a place that fits you in BOTH ways, then you ARE truly blessed!

Dexter Ala
I understand your hunger to reach the lost and wanting to have new people won to Christ that can be taught to mature in Christ Jesus. I am going to say something very controversial, in that you are already a Christian and have been sealed by the Holy Ghost unto salvation. (The baptism Of the Holy Ghost) What I want you to do is pray and fast and ask Jesus our Lord to baptize you with the Holy Ghost and with power. Sometimes the baptism of the Holy Ghost is accompanied with speaking in tongues as shared by our Pentecostal brothers. This is the outpouring that the early Christians received written in the bible that turned the world upside down for Christ. As a third generation Presbyterian I was not taught that I could have power from on high, but as I hungered for more of Christ I begin to abide by God in the presence of my savior and received the baptism of the Holy Ghost accompanied by tongues. The important part as you seek God for the baptism of the Holy Ghost, is that you know that God the father will not give you anything that will harm you. He loves you and wants to empower you to accomplish the desire you have burning in your heart. This desire by the way is from God who desires you to be fruitful. Seek him with all your heart and take time to listen to what he tells you. He is capable in opening doors for you to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with those in need. Remember we can do nothing on our own! The amount of fruit we produce is directly related to how you abide in Jesus. The parable of the vine and the branches has not been fully understood in this generation and we have not been as fruitful because we have lost the way on how to abide “continually in Christ by God” and not by our own strength or performance. God bless you richly my brother. I will be praying for you.

My husband and I were the worship leaders along with our children, children’s leaders, my daughter was the junior high leader.  Our Pastors were related to us.  We left because God told us to!  Boy was that the hardest thing we ever had to do. We didn’t leave because of any problems--We loved the people.  I can’t wait to see what the purpose and plan is, all I can say is that we Trust God--

I hardly know where to start.  Let me start by saying that I don’t attend church services.  I am a Christian because I believe Jesus gave his life to save me from my sins because I was unable to save myself from them.  I understand the bible’s teachings on grace, salvation, baptism, service,etc., and assembling together as believers for fellowship and strength.  I attended services for many years. (about 20)

I am of the persuasion though that it isn’t necessary to assemble in a building with a sign in front of it to live a Christian life.  It certainly is an option but is far from being the only realm in which God manifests himself in the midst.  Fellowship can occur anywhere and God’s people can encourage, uplift, rebuke, share ideas, study, teach, evangelize, challenge, dine, meet, conduct business, learn, etc. without a pastor, deacon, offering plate, choir, or piano/organ.  Gathering in a really pretty building with all its aesthetic and symbolic appeal simply isn’t necessary, and far from being a prerequisite to meaningful spiritual interaction.
Modern Churches have a hierarchy.  I’ve seen no exceptions.  There’s way too much drama and entertainment.  Roles are played out and often overplayed as I see it.  There’s too much emphasis on status.  Sometimes the status thing is subtle and at other times, it’s blatant, but in either case, it’s there, and need not be as I see it.  There is too much emphasis on statistics whether it be attendance, money, or something else material in nature.
Christ didn’t establish the church to offer Starbuck’s coffee, cookies, or refreshments.  He didn’t establish it to make it into a theater or a stage for rock bands.  He didn’t have fundraisers in mind or potluck dinners.  I don’t recall him making any reference to business meetings or even individual subgroups or ministries. 
The function of the church is to spread the gospel-the good news that God has provided a way for people to reconcile themselves with their creator through Christ.  The “church” as we know it today has strayed rather far from this.  Exceptions exist of course, but I’d say the trend is not in line with what the bible teaches about the church.
It has become somewhat of a social gospel where the church, although established as a separate and peculiar group of believers, has become aligned with social and political trends.  In fact, the church has inappropriate political power and is often managed like a business or social club.
I could say much more here.  The bottom line is that the true church is people.  It’s a body of believers not confined to a building or predetermined set of rituals.  Christians aren’t elitists, politicians, formal leaders of men, money mongers, performers, rock stars,social club members, or ruthless businessmen with tax exemptions.  God’s people are saved by grace they didn’t deserve and forgiven of sins that would have otherwise consumed them.  God’s people have a duty to glorify God and woo hearts to Christ by how they live their lives in the public domain.  Church buildings ought not to be places where believers are distracted from what’s really true or important spiritually. Church buildings ought not to be promoted as the only legitimate places where God manifests himself or the only way Christian fellowship is possible.  These gathering places are overrated in this regard.
More common people are literate today than in centuries past.  We can do our own thinking, studying, contemplating, and group learning.  I don’t need someone telling me who I am, who I’m not, what my priorities should or shouldn’t be, and then telling me I must be in a church building and comply with a myriad of rituals and church habits to be acceptable to God or have personal victory.  Most of the victories in my life have occurred outside of church buildings and some of the warmest fellowship I’ve ever had with other believers has too.  I do attend occasionally and I do know effective churches do exist.  Most of them are as I’ve described here.  I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel all empty inside or spiritually defeated as some would assume, assert, or suppose.  All of us need to examine what we’ve been taught by churches and be sure we believe what we believe for the right reasons, not just because Pastor so and so or brother/sister so and so said it and we were too ignorant/scared to question it or consider other points of view.  One thing nice about not attending/gathering to worship in the traditional church building is that I don’t have to care what brother/sister so and so or Pastor so and so thinks about me, my life, or my choices.  It gives me more time to focus on my relationship with God which is by far, a whole lot more important in eternity.  One last thought:
What would all those Pastors, youth ministers, deacons, elders, and other clergymen do if people stopped attending?  Those dollars wouldn’t be coming in.  Those numbers wouldn’t look so good anymore.  Instead of building expansive new buildings, they’d have to sell the ones they have and downgrade.  Programs would be cancelled.  Fundraisers would lack volunteers and be cut or stopped.  They’d have to hit the streets to entice people to return.  They might even lose tax exemptions because they’d have to hit the job market and pay taxes like clubs and businesses do.  Starbucks, the rock band, and the entertainment/drama programs would go.  If all that happened, would that end the spreading of the gospel or the body of believers in the world?  Not even!  The gates of hell cannot prevail against the body of believers God has in the world.  The remnant would remain and always will with or without the puffed up gathering places and current paradigm of worship and fellowship.  It’s not the building, the programs, the rituals, hierarchy, or wordliness that make the church.  It always was and will be the people, and those people can be found just about anywhere.

When a devoted member leaves a church, it usually because several people and/or events have told the member: time to move on! Contrary to common opinion, most leavers/hoppers do try “to work it out” before leaving. It usually takes some work and time to join a church, and that process is not one that someone gleefully repeasts over and over!
Most pastors have no idea of how to work conflict resolution (biblical or otherwise) and most pastors do not make any effort to protect new members/ new believers from the “old boys network” or “the old ladies who run the church.”
I am being somewhat tongue-in-cheek here, but I think you get the point.
My baseline is this: if pastor X want to stop church leavers, then he/she should make his/her church the kind of church folks don’t want to leave.

We are thinking about leaving our church because the preaching ministry is not ministering to our family. I don’t think you should go to church just to get something (we contribute in many ways), but I do think the effectiveness of the preached word is an important enough reason to leave.

M: No offense taken.

thanks for your reply. But I have been a member of many churches, including both conservative/bible-preaching and liturgical/semiliturgical mainline. There is no real difference: people leave for the same reasons. The most doctrinally conservative church
hurch in the whole
world is capable of chasing out members with very worldly office-type politics and personal vendettas.

I respect your opinions, but if you read 30 or 40 books on church conflict, you may come to see my point.

Here’s how I see it:

Congregations want perfect pastors and pastors want perfect congregations – unfortunately we will have neither.

We live in a consumer society, pastors are trying to draw those “good folk” that will listen and obey, and congregations are trying to find that “good pastor” who will listen and obey. 

Let’s be honest, we all want it OUR way, and if we don’t get it OUR way then we walk across the street to the next “fast food” church.  John Wesley said that “Pride is the source of all villainy.” Until we slay the demon of pride in our own lives we will continue to fight this never conflict between the pulpit and the pew.

Alan

I will admit, I have not read every single word of comments written, but I’ve skimmed most of them.  I have a very RADICAL idea that I don’t believe has been considered here. 

What if, instead of considering each individual church to be the ENTIRE body of Christ, we considered different churches to be different body parts.  I’ve really been researching and thinking about this for a LONG time.  I think there might be 3 different types of churches.  Seeker (bring ‘em in and get ‘em saved), Disciple (ground them in faith & word, teach and train ‘em), and Missional (send them out, support them, meet needs).  I know it may seem very simple, but instead of a single church trying to be the best at all 3, why not find the one you can do best and promote it like there’s no tomorrow.

This is even more radical, but goes along with the idea of globally minded churches....

What if we started sending people to other churches when they were ready to move on?  What if the seeker church taught the basics, and when individuals were antsy and ready for more, send them to a disciple church?  And the disciple church sent them on to a missional church? 

I know, it’s a RADICAL idea, but at one time, so was giving away your materials for free, and singing something other than hymnals.  Maybe someday, someone will figure out how to make it work. 

I say all of this because of this, my husband and I were brought to Christ through a seeker church.  But now, we’re ready for more.  Trying to change this massive monster of a seeker church into something it’s obviously not, would be such a waste.  We found a new church.  One that is full of elders who assist in discipling.  We’re learning more about the bible every chance we get and are getting more and more excited and comfortable about sharing our faith.  It seems like a logical progression to me.  One day, we’ll probably be involved in missions somehow.

Anyway, those are just my 2 cents.

My basic assumption in minsitry is that I am a sinner saved by grace. I serve a congregation of sinners, most saved by grace, a few have yet to come to that. point. For most of my congregation their biggest accomplishment is getting from morning to evening. They do good things, they do selfish things. They serve, they get tired, they are disappointed, they are committed, and they some times leave. It happens.

Do they leave for bad reasons? Sure. Do they leave for good reasons? Sure. Both hurt. Both have sometbhing teach us so we can do better. But people leave. By the grace of God we do the best we can. It is his church, and we serve at his pleasure. There could 10 reason people leave, they still leave. They still come. It is what is it.