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Six Reasons People Leave Your Church

Orginally published on Tuesday, May 15, 2007 at 6:32 AM
by Todd Rhoades

John D. Duncan has an interesting article at Lifeway.com that deals with the top six reasons he thinks people leave your church. Here’s a partial list of the top six. John writes…

1. Poor Leadership

When the family announced their departure, I made it a point to visit in their home. I asked them to share their feelings. I requested honesty. ?We just don?t like the way you?re running things.?

As a young pastor, my inexperience led to poor decisions. Financial problems worried the church. Morale problems infected the church. A lack of vision created an internal sickness. Members began to place blame for the troubles.

Since I was their leader, they pointed a finger at me. I had only served the church for six months, but I tried to cure the church with my own diagnosis and prescription. I did not listen to my people. I attempted to solve the dilemmas on my own. The result? Members left the church.

2. Different Style

When church members leave your church, they might travel to another church because they yearn for another style of ministry. They desire a different style of preaching or worship. They hunger for a certain style of music. Their expectations about a church might come from a church, pastor, or program they had in another town.

3. Specific Program

?How did you discover our church?? I asked a woman who quizzed me about the church. ?We heard about the church because of the youth program. Some friends told us about your youth ministry.?

?Why did you leave our church?? I questioned a former member. ?We really like the Music Ministry of our new church,? they responded.

4. Disillusionment

William D. Hendricks talks about a ?dark side? to the church. He details numerous stories about people leaving their churches in his book, Exit Interviews. He writes, ?Despite glowing reports of surging church attendance, more and more Christians in North America are feeling disillusioned with the church and other formal, institutional expressions of Christianity." (Chicago: Moody Press, 1993, p. 17)

These people remove themselves from the church out of frustration with structure or bureaucracy.

5. Inner Hurts

A close church member invited me to lunch one day. He shocked me when he informed me of his imminent departure from our church. ?It?s in the best interest of our family,? he softly spoke. I drove to the church that day disappointed. A year later I received news about the family. The sad news explained the couple?s divorce. Rather than seek help in the church, they fled the church. They retreated to ease the surprise of their impending breakup.

Not every person who leaves the church because of inner hurt leaves on bad terms. Some leave to seek answers to their hurt. Still others take flight to find the acceptance they have missed.

6. Church Size

?I sure have missed you at church,? I said in casual conversation. ?Don?t take it personally, but the church has gotten too big for us. We?re used to a smaller church.? Sometimes the church may grow too large. In other cases the church may not be large enough.

So there you have it... the six reasons why people leave your church. Do you agree with this list? Which reason has been the reason people have left your church? What have you don't to help eliminate these problems in your church? I'd be interested in hearing your comments today here at the blog!

Have a great week!

Todd

You can read all of John's article here...

This post has been viewed 6694 times so far.

TRACKBACKS: (1) There are 84 Comments:

Posted by

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 at 11:19 AM

I get the whole consumerism approach to church and I do believe it runs rampant. However, I’m struggling with two areas in the church that really discouraging my wife and I. 1) We are desperate to serve in a church, but I strongly believe that another part of the role of the church is to build fellowship. As we continue to visit churches looking for a place to serve, I find that church members are in no hurry to speak to us. We are one of many faces that may or may not know. This is discouraging. So, I just want someone to say “hey come join us.” 2) It has been my experience that church members treat each other horribly. There is little encouragement or support offered. But I see alot of church members who are eager to “rebuke” anyone they feel needs it. It’s frustrating, discouraging, and enough to make you want to become one of those Revolutionaries that Barna talks about
Posted by

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 at 12:59 PM

Well, I notice that Bettina did not post anything further after Ricky’s response to her first comment. Nice job, Ricky.

When the church plant I was serving with recently closed and we were looking for a church to join, we had several criteria; doctrinally correct, opportunities to serve, good children’s ministry, worship style we could enjoy, etc. I can say without doubt the area we were checking out most closely was the children’s ministry.

We want good theology and correct teaching, and we want to serve, but I don’t care how perfect every other area was if they didn’t have a good children’s ministry we would not have even considered joining the church.

Call it consumerism and deride it if you like, but if you don’t have children’s ministry, do you really expect people who have children to stay with your church? If you don’t have a single’s ministry why would you berate a single person for leaving to join a church with a single’s ministry? If someone wants to volunteer and serve and you don’t have any opportunities to offer, why shouldn’t they look elsewhere? If you don’t have any programs or targeted ministries, are you just conducting a service on Sunday? If so, wouldn’t you expect to get people who just want to attend church, and not those who want to do more?
Posted by anne jackson

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 at 1:06 PM

i thought jesus’ challenge to the church was to go and tell, not come and see. it’s not consumeristic to provide biblical opportunities for people (the church) to serve and to equip them to go and tell...it is just our culture where we have redefined the word “church” to be a location and not an entity, where people are spectators and not participants. so many people rely on the church to teach their children (and by no means am i bashing any children’s ministries) but if you are a christian with a child it is YOUR responsibility. we have (generally speaking) removed a lot of personal responsibility as christians and as Christ’s church (universal) and placed it on local churches. no wonder so many pastors and church staffers get burned out. they are trying to be customer service representatives and dont have time to disciple or shepherd.
Posted by

Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 6:26 AM

DanielR writes [Call it consumerism and deride it if you like, but if you don’t have children’s ministry, do you really expect people who have children to stay with your church?]

Daniel, you hit the nail on the head. I would submit that you ARE “going and telling” when you plant a church in a community and offer excellent children’s ministry… It may be the second most vital ministry in the church. (The first is cleaning the bathrooms!)
Posted by

Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 10:17 AM

Anne, you are right, our children are our responsibility. And if you have a church with no children’s ministry, aren’t people who have children and belong to your church failing their children in that area? Should we expect Christian parents to choose a church that will baby-sit their children while they attend services or a church with an active children’s ministry that will help them teach their children correctly while they participate in all the church offers.

You’re right, “church” should not be just a building, it should be a community of believers reaching out to the lost, worshipping and fellowshipping together, and it should involve and affect every aspect of our lives. Church programs facilitate that involvement; they are what makes a church more than just a building. Yes, we’re supposed to go and tell, but we’re also supposed to do. Managing programs that get people involved and affect their lives is not customer service, it is sheparding. OK, the coffee and donuts ministry may be customer service. Unless it’s coffee and donuts for the homeless.
Posted by

Thursday, May 17, 2007 at 3:26 PM

Wow, we certainly are swimming in our culture of complaint. My door has never been closed nor my phone shut off to anyone who wants to talk. I simply don’t have the time to seek out and make contact with all who have a concern/problem/disappointment/been offended/have a need/or anything else. But if someone needs to talk, I am always available. When I recently had major surgery {coronary bypass} some people sent me cards and visited and called and where visibly/vocally supportive of me and my family. Some weren’t. I don’t know the reasons for either, but the most important thing was I knew the presence of Christ. Anything else I counted as icing on the cake.

Let’s suck it up, take responsbibility for ourselves, and quit the blame game.
Posted by

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 at 12:51 PM

I have been in the ministry now for almost 20 years and it has been my experience that most people leave a church because they would rather take the easy way rathen than the long way through.
Posted by

Saturday, May 26, 2007 at 4:01 PM

I don’t think the single Mom of 36 was being driven by consumerism. I am also a single Parent this is an area most churches miss. They focus exclusively on the intact married family or young married couples. The poster wasn’t missing things she was missing a sense of belonging! We all want to feel accepted and as if we belong. You neglected to mention she also was willing to SERVE. She wanted to begin a single’s ministry but was not offered any help with this. So she wasn’t just being a consumer but was trying to outreach and minister with others families like hers.

Unless you havebeen a single parent in the American Christian Churches I think you would easily misunderstand her reasons as consumerism. No it was rather that she and her daughter did not feel the BELONGED and there was no effort to make them feel a part of the body.

Single parents (divorced or never married) are largely ignored. They leave the churches in droves and seek out other places of support outside Christian circles where they are not judged or made to feel left out or as if they don’t fit in.

As a single parent of two boys age 14 and 9 I know this isolation all to well and have tried many churches. The first thing I am asked is where my husband is… it’s disheartening. Also of one my sons has a disability. (Autism) This is a double whammy in our churches - a single parent AND a child with a special need. We all have but given up on finding a church where we can belong.
Posted by

Monday, April 28, 2008 at 10:13 AM

“Quote:

Read the number of “I’s” and “my’s” in the above list and you will see how consumeristic the American church has become.

And because those in “leadership” have created such a selfish monster as the American church, they shouldn’t be surprised when they fall short of meeting their consumer’s needs.

Instead of seeing how the writer of the above quote could help meet the needs of that particular organization, she bolts for one that would “bath, powder and diaper” HER.

God, help us all. “

Dear Sir:

This is truly an unfeeilng and most un chrsitain response. I feel very sorry for the people you migh minister to.

This woman did not just walk around saying I and me… She had some very obvious needs the church refused to meet. So you fault her for this? She was not being support or connected. Neither was her daughter. It seems she attempeed to out reach and make the church leaders aware of her needs and even offered her own services to help meet those by starting a single’s ministry. The fact is single parents and single are underserved. many are christians but do not attend church just for these above reasons. Tthey don’t feel they are accepted, nurtured or and their talents are dismissed. when they point a need they have they are called seflish .

The person who responded was mean spirited and shows truly what is wrong with our churches and why people leave.

Diaper and powder her? How offendive !! Because the woman had the nerve to want a youth group for her daughter to feel connected. How often do teens leave the church and Jesus christ when tempted by the outside world when our churches fail to provide opportunity to stay connected and have their faith florish?

Why is it important to meet the needs of young married couples and intact familiies but ignore the needs that a single woman might have to feel conncted herself?

She was willing to work, volunteer her time, being programs… it soundsl ike she offered herself up and her services yet she was batted away as unimporatnt.

Is it a suprise she was would leave. And you commenter the cruelty of your response. I would spending some time in prayer yourself because God forbid you ever become a single parent yourself and some tells you you just want to be “Quote:

“1. The church is really small with lot’s of newly young married couples and there newborn babies.
I kind of felt out of place and my needs as single were not met.
2. The church didn’t have single ministries where I could have found my place.
3. The church didn’t have youth ministries where my pre-teenager daughter could have found her place.”

There’s nothing left to say.

Read the number of “I’s” and “my’s” in the above list and you will see how consumeristic the American church has become.

And because those in “leadership” have created such a selfish monster as the American church, they shouldn’t be surprised when they fall short of meeting their consumer’s needs.

Instead of seeing how the writer of the above quote could help meet the needs of that particular organization, she bolts for one that would “bath, powder and diaper” HER.

God, help us all.

“bath, powder and diaper?

You are rude, unfeeling and unChristian. You are the perfect example of what is wrong with our churches and many christians themselves.

where is the compassion for your fellow brother and sisters/

This is a single parent. her needs were not being met. she attempted to make her needs known. She offered her service, time to begin a ministry to help not only her self but many others - single parents are vastly underserved segemtn of the population. Furhter it was selfish that she wished a youth group to keep her daughter connected and in chruch? I think that is wish many parents have - single or married—we all know youth are likely to fall away from Christ and the church if we do not provide programs and opportunity for them to grow.

With the lack of response she received to not only making her needs known but offer to help institute programs I cannot see why she wouldn’t leave.

I read you response to her and it made me sick. I am glad I do not go to church with you and if it reflects christian’s opinions of fellowhsihp adn support it’s no wonder single parents stay away…

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Hi... I'm Todd Rhoades. I'm a Christ-follower, husband, father and I love to connect leaders with other leaders. Hopefully you'll find something here at MMI you like and will return often. If you want, you can find out more about me or follow my every step on Twitter.